David Germain's blog

Video of me at HalCon 2011

2012-01-21T16:41:00.000-06:00

Hal Con 2011_Jesus needs help

- Watch more Videos at Vodpod.

I just found this now.

A husband and wife team

2011-12-26T13:05:00.003-06:00

Here's 2 people that also enjoy my book:

The husband:

The wife:

They took time away from their whirlwind honeymoon in Bangkok on Christmas to do this. Was it worth it? You tell me.

Two lovely videos...

2011-12-23T08:55:00.002-06:00

...from two lovely ladies. Both of them talk about my book.

Listen to TJ

2011-12-13T18:13:00.000-06:00

A video ad for my book

2011-12-12T09:15:00.001-06:00

Buy Jesus Needs Help on Createspace, Amazon, or Kindle today!

Blasphe-ME, Blaphe-YOU, Blasphe-EVERYBODY!!!

2011-11-26T13:29:00.024-06:00

You remember a certain Pastor Sean Bonitto who opined about my book recently? Well, so that he could have a more informed opinion, I sent him a free copy of my book Jesus Needs Help. He read it all the way through and now his approach to the book reads thusly:

"For the preaching of the cross is to them that perish foolishness; but unto us which are saved it is the power of God" (1 Corinthians 1:18).

Hello David. Greetings in the mighty name of the Lord Jesus Christ of the Holy Bible (Acts 4:12).

Thank you for the opportunity to read and properly evaluate, critique and judge your book not according to my opinion, but according to the clear teaching of Holy Scripture(Matthew 4:4).

First of all your book gives false information and lies concerning the teaching and evidence of the Holy Bible when it says, "That book is a collection of essays written by various zealots who interpreted my words several hundred years after my existence. Some of them even manipulated my words or even added their own words just to support their own agendas." You either have not done your research concerning this matter or you do not care to investigate the truth to verify your claim in order to promote your false claim, and to justify the lust of your flesh, that will tragically, if you do not repent and trust the Lord Jesus Christ of the Holy Bible by faith alone for your salvation, lead you to an eternity in hell(Luke 13:3; John 3:16-21,36). It is a fact that the whole New Testatment was written in the first century, and that many early Bible translations of the second century, manuscripts, along with the writtings of second century early church authorities like Justin Martyr, and even first century authorities such as Ignatius and others that testify to the authenticity of the sacred text of the Holy Bible(http://www.truthnet.org). Josephus, Tacitus, Pliny the younger and other non christian historians have documented and verified many historical facts of the New Testament, along with archeological findings such as The Pilate Stone. Your have promoted lies against the truth of Holy Bible, and it is you my friend that has manipulated and perverted the Word of God by making the Lord Jesus reject the clear teaching of God's Word, which He most certainly did not and would never do (Matthew 4:4), in order to justify your sin.

This is blasphemy of the worst kind, and a most dishonest attack against the truth of God's Word the Holy Bible without any evidence or justification of the false statement made.

The book is full of clear Satanic blasphemy against the Lord Jesus Christ, that reduces the sinless Lamb of God(2 Corinthians 5:21), who is God in the flesh (John 1:1,14), to one how rejects His own words (Matthew 4:4), agrees with sin, lies, and complete perversion that would make wicked and ungodly programs such as south park, family guy, and the Simpsons, blush with shame.

God the Father is promoted by Mr. Germain to embrace such wicked sin, and perversion such as pornography, violence, and every ungoldy, evil, and wicked ideology by saying, "There is no censorship in heaven." There is pictures of nudity in Mr. Germain's Heaven, and even God Himself curses at the censorship Monkey's who are banished to a cage where they are ironically "censored" and no longer able to have freedom of expression of there own, which is a clear contradiction of Mr. Germain's rant. Mr. Germain clearly is fulfilling the Bible prophecy that says, "Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils; Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron" (1Timothy 4:1-2).

It is clear from the teaching of Holy Scripture "...that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God"(1 Corinthians 6:9-10). However, if one repents of their sin, and trust the Lord Jesus Christ as their personal Lord and Saviour by faith alone they will be forgiven of their sin, escape the damnation of an eternity in hell, and be given everlastino life in heaven (Luke 13:3; John 3:16; Acts 20:21; Romans 10:9-10; 1 John 1:9; 1 John 2:1-2).

Mr.Germain expresses no fear of God or any sense of conviction of his sin by the Holy Ghost, although he has at one time been convicted of his sin and has been proved by the Holy Ghost of his need to escape an eternity in hell (John 16:8-11), to repent of his sin, and to receive God's love, mercy, forgiveness, and salvation through the true Lord Jesus Christ of the Bible(not the false jesus promoted by Mr. Germain and others*2 Corinthians 11:4,14), before it is too late (Hebrews 9:27).

The god that Mr. Germain promotes is not the God of the Holy Bible, nor the Lord Jesus Christ of the Bible who is God in the flesh or second person of the one and only true God(Matthew 28:19; 1 John 5:7), because the Bible says, "This then is the message which we have heard of him, and declare unto you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all" (1 John 1:5), but he promotes a false christ and false god (2 Corinthians 11:4), that is really the god of this ungodly world (2 Corinthians 4:4), who the Bible identifies as Satan, who "...is transformed into an angel of light"(2 Corinthians 11:14), that old lying serpent who beguiled Eve into rejecting God's Word for the lie of fulfilling the lust of the flesh, and to receive the wages of sin which "...is death..." (Romans 6:23) and eternal damnation of precious souls in hell forever (1Peter 5:8), unless they repent and trust the Lord Jesus by faith alone for salvation (Luke 13:3; John 3:16).

The Lord Jesus Christ will never need help, but Mr. Germain does, as well as all mankind who are sinners (Romans 3:23), that need to repent of their sin and receive the only remedy for sin, the only way to heaven, and and escape from an eternity in hell, the Lord Jesus Christ of the Holy Bible (Luke 13:3; John 3:16; John 14:6).

Mr. Germain I am praying for you and others that you will repent and be saved in the Lord Jesus Christ to escape hell before it is too late(Hebrews 9:27).

God Bless (John 3:16).

"...except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish" (Luke 13:3).

"For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord" (Romans 6:23).

Wow! Ok. I probably should just let this go, but he said some things in that text that I really must respond to. There'll be no snarky sarcasm like there were in the last post. This will be a straightforward response to the more accusatory aspects of his rant.

I guess I'll get things started by addressing this statement right here:

No research, eh? NO RESEARCH??!! How about an hour and forty three minute Channel 4 documentary hosted by noted Professor of Theological studies at Oxford, Dr. Robert Beckford, there's some research for you.

The basic gist of Beckford's findings is that even from the beginnings the Bible's creation was

fraught with curious translations and people sneaking in their own opinions. The first book of Moses was actually written by 4 anonymous authors labelled J, E, P, and D. They're the ones who assembled all the oral traditions into the first 5 books of the Bible, Genesis to Deuteronomy. Then, after the Temple of Jerusalem was destroyed in 586 BC, Hezekiah altered those books to reflect a new found belief in monotheism. And then, when the Jews were being held captive in Babylon, the books were altered again to add a feeling of hope to help everyone through their despair.

And, of course, the book of Isaiah predicts a Messiah which we now all know was Jesus Christ.

(To all the Jewish readers of this blogpost, the Messiah that Isaiah was actually talking about was Cyborg Rabbinowitz who will be born of a virgin manufacturing plant in the year 2318 A.D. or the year 6079 on the Jewish calendar. He is going to kick some gentile ass.)

But back to Jesus. Soon after his crucifixion, a man named Paul was one of the first "Nerds for Jesus". He walked all over the biblical world writing letters to various civilizations telling all about the miracles of Jesus with a school girl enthusiasm that would make bobby-sockers for Frank Sinatra, Beatlemaniacs, and Justin Bieber fans roll their eyes and say, "dude, get a grip". Paul was eventually jailed in 60 A.D. So, it was the first gospel writer Mark who picked up the task some 10 years later. After another 10 years, gospel writer Matthew took Mark's writings and made some of his own "improvements" on them. The came Luke with his straightforward approach, followed by John at around 100 A.D. who circumlocutorated much poetic prose to his version of the gospel. And, many other gospels, including one written by Mary Magdeline, were rejected simply because they didn't fit the single mindset that the other gospels had. (Hmmm, rejecting text that does not fit an organization's mindset. That looks familiar.) These gospels were then all translated into Latin by Jerome in 360 A.D. and then translated into English by John Wiclef in 1360 A.D. Then, a man named William Tindle took Wiclef's translation and made some of what he felt were much needed improvements.

And then we come to the creation of the King James Bible first published in 1611 A.D., the version that everyone knows about and reads today. According to Professor of Renaissance Studies at the University of Leicester, Gordon Campbell in his book simply called Bible, one of the main reasons for King James to assemble his own Bible was to describe the king as "the principal mover and author of the translation; indeed, the phrase sets up a parallel with God, the first mover and author of all things, so

eliding obedience to God with obedience to the king, and ratifying the claim of James to be king by divine right." page 34-35

So, James shoehorned into the Bible some text about equalling kings with God Himself. Hey, isn't that the notion that made George W. Bush think that God ordained him to be President of the United States? Yeah! Thank you very much Mr. James (No, I didn't say 'your highness', I called you Mister). Your little act of hubris has done more damage than you'll ever know.

And then there's this little tidbit from the book as well, "Finally, the completed revision was sent to Archbishop Bancroft, who made fourteen alterations; it is not known what they were, but one might speculate that the changes were designed to buttress episcopacy." page 64

O I see. So Achbishop Bancroft added fourteen new bits expressing his bigotry against episcopacy. And noone knows where in the text they are. Isn't that nice.

And then there's the matter of the Apocrypha, whose inclusion or exclusion in the Bible all depends on whether a Catholic or a Protestant got to it first.

I think this is more than enough to prove that the Christ in my book is indeed telling the truth. And really, trying to disprove anything I've said either in my book or here with Matthew 4:4 or any other Scripture reading is very much a snake eating itself. That's like the Goldman Sachs lawyers testimony being, "No, there have been no dishonest business practices here. I know this because the CEO themselves told me so and I believe them."

Ok, I should make something clear right now. Nowhere on here am I saying that the Bible and everything in it is total crap. I'm just saying that not every word is from God. The Bible had some very VERY human editors over the centuries. In fact, there is something called the Jesus Seminars whose purpose is to pick through the gospels and determine which quotes Jesus actually said and which were altered in some way. They've been doing this since about 1985 and they're still trying to determine which is which. There's certainly alot to go through.

No research, huh? Pastor, you've been served!

Oh, but that's not all. Here's something else that needs to be addressed:

Really? My book is more Satanically blasphemous than South Park, Family Guy, and The Simpsons combined? Take that Stone, Parker, MacFarlane and Groening. If you want to cut through my cloud of dust and catch up to me, you guys have a lot of work to do.

But, in all seriousness, I actually consider it an honour to be even considered among the pantheon with these fine creative gentlemen (as well as others who came before and after them). So, Mister Pastor, I have nothing more to add on this particular segment except a big "nerts to you" on that one.

I should definitely respond to this:

Okay, God is NOT embracing pornography and violence as you assumed, sir. He is simply not being a gigantic douche by suppressing images of those things. Because really, the altering of an artist's vision by anyone is one of the biggest sins anyone can commit (as the history of writing the Bible has demonstrated). THAT'S the point of the rant. Also, the monkeys haven't lost their "freedom of expression". They've simply been put in a cage where they can't infringe their narrow ideology onto anyone or any work of art. My rant was about not having focus groups full of paranoid parents regulating what we see and don't see.

I would like the Censored 11...

to become the Readily Available 11.

And also, would it be too much to ask for not having someone actually suing a school for celebrating Halloween? Can we have that please?

If my wish for them was complete censorship of the monkey's voices I would have had them meet a very bloody and painful demise.

Mr. Germain clearly is fulfilling the Bible prophecy that says, "Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils; Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron" (1Timothy 4:1-2).

Hey, how about that! There's a passage in the Bible all about me. What do you say to that Fred Sanford?

fredsanford_jawbone by Daffyduckandthedinosaur

Jawbone of an ass. Oh, you're hilarious. Hardy har har! Thanks for standing up for me, Esther. But, I think you just learned the hard way: "Never argue with a man who keeps a baseball bat in his kitchen."

One last thing I'd like to address, it has to do with this part of the Pastor's letter:

Mr. Germain expresses no fear of God or any sense of conviction of his sin by the Holy Ghost

Personally, I feel that any God that can't laugh at Himself is no God that I want to pray to. That's my opinion anyway.

One thing I will say about Pastor Sean Bonitto is that he actually responded. He could have been a big snob and simply ignored me and my work. But, instead he actually took the time to carefully read and respond to everything. That shows that he is

very open and approachable to everyone. He will gladly answer any question you ask him. You might not like theanswer, but at least you'll get one in a timely manner. You say you're praying for me, Pastor Sean? Well, I'm praying for you too. I pray that you'll stop resembling one of the Dean Wormers of the world, because they never have any fun.

With that, I will end this blog post with an Amen because I fully believe and stand by everything I've just said.

(If you want to find out exactly what the good pastor is finding so objectionable about my book, you can order it yourself at either Createspace, Amazon, or Kindle. Does he have a point or is he a little hyperbolic? I'll let you be the judge of that.)

My Halifax Comic Con Experience

2011-11-13T22:29:00.019-06:00

Well, the Halifax Comic Con just wrapped up a few hours ago at the WTCC.

Personally, I had a swell time. I actually sold more books here than I did in Montreal. I hope this is an increasing trend with comic book conventions. One thing that definitely helped my sales this time was the one poster I put up:

That got people laughing. Best of all, it got a few people saying, "That's funny. I'll buy it." Believe it or not, that poster even helped me sell my book to a Buddhist. At first he was concerned that Jesus Needs Help was sending a fiercely aggressive pro-Christian message and with so much Christian propaganda all around he didn't want his kids "corrupted" by my book. But, after he read the above poster, he realized that the book isn't really promoting Christianity in any serious way and so that helped take the edge off enough for him to actually purchase a copy for his son.

I guess I stumbled onto something good right there.

Yeah, the reception towards my book was about typical for your average Comic con crowd. It was:

- part delightful curiosity

- part attitude

Like I said, that refund poster really entertained people and others that came by my table really liked my Censor Monkeys concept. But, so many saw the name Jesus, gave me an eyeroll and kept walking. Some of them didn't even take one of the free handouts I had. How much of an asshole do you have to be to pass up a freebie? Who does that? Even the Roadrunner would eat every bowl of free birdseed he was given, even when a canon was pointed straight at his head. He managed to survive that ordeal. What the Hell was your problem?

There were even two girls who didn't understand the concept of the book even after the whole thing was explained to them.

Yeah, I can't really sum their reaction up better than that.

But, I should really focus on the more positive aspects of the Con, shouldn't I? For instance, I saw some great costumes both home-made and otherwise. One lady actually crocheted a Yoda costume for herself that looked really cool. I saw a neat Optimus Prime costume made out of cardboard boxes. More than a few people dressed up as either Mario or Luigi (I even saw someone dressed like Wario). I saw a really great costume of Electro, one of Spiderman's many nemeses. And, as always, there were plenty of sexy costumes worn by sexy ladies. But, sadly, I didn't manage to capture ANY of that because I forgot my camera at home on Saturday.

That's what I felt like doing to myself. Although, i did manage to bring it on Sunday and caught this really cool Bender costume:

Someone even dressed their cat up as Batman:

I'm sure there's a "Catwoman in heat" joke in there somewhere.

That's all I managed to really capture for costumes this year. I'm sure the Hal-Con official website will have plenty of pictures with people in costume soon enough (or, by the time you've stumbled onto this, maybe they're up there now).

Oh, hey. I also met a great artist there. Her booth was right beside mine. Not only did she have wonderful art on display, she was good enough that she could do commissions right there at the Con, and they weren't just your typical big-head caricatures either. Her name is CK Russell. I'd say that getting a picture drawn by her would qualify as a good time. Therefore, I am typing the following statement:

For a good time, contact CK Russell.

Write that on every bathroom wall you can find. ;)

I also ran into some of the people who work at Inked Well Comics. They came over and chatted every so often an at one time they even offered me a cookie. You've got to love a business that does that.

I also met this guy:

Before that he was talking about how his desire was to see Jesus burn in Hell. That's his opinion and he's more than entitled to it.

Well, that's my Halifax Comic Con experience in a nutshell. Like I said at the top, I had a swell time and I look forward to being there again next year hopefully with a second comic book for sale.

Oh yeah, I also met a dalek while I was there. He was a fun guy but he can't hold his liquor.

{I should clarify something about what I said near the top. Despite what it may look like, I do not consider everyone who doesn't like my book as an idiot. That would not be a good thing to do for two big reasons:

1. Even if they are idiots, the obligation is still on me to tap into that "idiotic" mentality. Any marketing guru will tell you that.

2. That theory has really not been proven in any way yet. You see, over the passed year that I've been selling this book, I've found that most if not all the people who say they hate it haven't actually read it. Inversely, most of everyone who HAS read my book has loved it. Therefore, this shows that the biggest problem has been with the presentation of the book and not the book itself............ so far. I think if more of the people who claim to hate it (or at least not think much of it) would actually read a copy first then I and everyone else will have a better assessment of the book's overall quality. And, more importantly, anyone objecting to the book will have a much better idea of what it is they're objecting to.

There! I hope that clears things up a little.}

Pastors say the cutest things

2011-11-03T23:30:00.022-06:00

Recently, I had a friend of mine contact a Pastor Sean Bonitto of the International Deliverance Ministries and ask him about my little book Jesus Needs Help. Here's what he said:

Hello John Baker. Greetings in the mighty name of the Lord Jesus Christ. I want to thank you for contacting International Deliverance Ministries. While I have not read "Jesus Needs Help", I have read a review of the book, and from the review the book does not promote the gospel at all, but is a form of blasphemy against the Lord Jesus Christ by adding "foolish talking...jesting..." (Ephesians 5:4) to the biblical gospel account through false events such as monkey's talking to the Lord Jesus Christ. The main message seems to promote a secular new age anti christ agenda of tolerance, compromise and sin that shall make many " turn away their ears from the truth, and..." turning them "...unto fables"(2Timothy 4:4), and not to sound Biblical truth of genuine repentance of sin, and faith alone in the Lord Jesus Christ in order for one to escape an eternity in hell(Luke 13:3;John 3:16).

Mr. Germain's blog doubts that the rapture may not even occur, which is a sound Bible doctrine that is certain to happen (1 Thessalonians 4:13-18), and he also curses, and uses and promotes ungoldy secular music without giving an rebuke or warning concerning the ungoldy artists, or reproof in regards to the ungodly music(Ephesians 5:11;1 John 2:15-17).

I would like to read the book to have a better understanding of what is being said. However, if the review is any indication, it is wise to obey the command of the Holy Ghost by the Apostle that says, " Abstain from all appearance of evil"(1Thessalonians 5:22), and not to be influenced by its ungodly teachings.

God Bless(John 3:16).

Pastor Sean Bonitto

You know something, he's absolutely right. I can't argue with a man who speaks the truth. There's no point. Actually, I am so impressed with the sound wisdom of this letter that I will go through it bit by bit and elucidate on just how much level-headed brilliance there is.

Like this part here: the book does not promote the gospel at all, but is a form of blasphemy against the Lord Jesus Christ by adding "foolish talking...jesting..." (Ephesians 5:4) to the biblical gospel account through false events such as monkey's talking to the Lord Jesus Christ.

The text in Ephesians 5:4 is "Nor is it fitting for you to use language which is obscene, profane, or vulgar. Rather you should give thanks to God."

Yes, absolutely. I've always said that there should be one book, one committee, or one religion who should establish what is to be profane and vulgar to everyone. Pastor Sean is just that man to do that. From now on, I will definitely

use speech that falls within his guidelines of what is acceptable, even if they change constantly based on whatever mood he's in. Everyone else should do that too. Come on, it'll be fun. It'll be a big game of Simon{Sean} Says that never ends and noone ever wins. Also, he's right about another thing. I should never have just made up a story about Jesus talking to monkeys. How absurd. Everyone knows that everything written in the Bible is flawless and accurate account of what actually happened. God himself zapped the contents of the Bible directly into the each printing of the book exactly the same way he zaps Jesus' face on our toast. I shouldn't have messed with that. Besides, Jesus talking to monkeys sounds way too close to the theory of evolution to me. That's probably the biggest sin of all.

Here's the next bit of wisdom: The main message seems to promote a secular new age anti christ agenda of tolerance, compromise and sin that shall make many "turn away their ears from the truth, and..." turning them "...unto fables"(2Timothy 4:4)

Bravo, sir. 2Timothy 4:4 states, "They will turn away from listening to the truth and give their attention to legends". Darn that pesky agenda of mine. How could I promote tolerance like that. Could you imagine a world where we actually tolerated each other? ICK! What a nightmare that would be. And compromise??!! Yeesh! Next thing you know, we'll be plagued with peace, love and understanding. And, as Elvis Costello said at an earlier time, there's nothing funny about that.

I should also apologize to the good pastor for my gratuitous secular new age anti-Christ agenda. Everyone has seen all my tribute posts to the Son of Sam all through this blog and elsewhere. It was wrong of me to do so and I'll never do it again.

Keep slicin', buddy.

OK OK! That was the last one! I swear!

Pastor Bonitto is also right about fictitious stories turning everyone away from biblical stories. I always considered George Lucas to be evil the way he had his Star Wars saga take place about 4000 years before the existence of man on Earth. Until Mr. Lucas includes something about Adam and Eve's offspring being Cain, Abel, Anakin Skywalker, Padme`, Wookies, Ewoks, Jawas, Gungans, and Huts, I say we denounce the Star Wars franchise as the blasphemous pack of lies that it is. The ball's in your court Mr. Lucas. Fix your saga or go to Hell.

Here's another inspired nugget of intelligence: Mr. Germain's blog doubts that the rapture may not even occur, which is a sound Bible doctrine that is certain to happen (1 Thessalonians 4:13-18)

Yes! Yes! And double yes!! If that's what it says in Thessalonians, then it must be true. There may be no need to look to other sources for that. Although, I do believe a similar depiction of the coming rapture was mentioned by one Debbie Harry some 30 odd years ago.

Thessalonians and Saint Debbie are right. The impending rapture will involve Martians landing on Earth and eating our brains which will turn us all into Martians and we will all spend the rest of eternity going on a car eating rampage. It's a fact.

How do I know this is true? Well, blind faith of course. That contains all the information you need to know about anything in this world. Whenever Mr. Magoo sees a Danger sign that he reads as "Doctor's Office", it's his blind faith that leads him to know that it really does say "Doctor's Office". And, of course, I believe it too because of my faith. I also believe that any steel beams that fall on Mr. Magoo are the doctor's radical new physiotherapy techniques just like Magoo does. According to my faith, what else could they be? See, faith is all you need. Anything beyond that is just blasphemous heresy.

Uh Oh! I finally found something in the Pastor's near perfect letter with which I STRONGLY disagree: I would like to read the book to have a better understanding of what is being said.

No! No! NO!!! Aw, you were doing so well, Pastor. But then you had to spew this junk. You don't have to actually read a book to know if the contents inside are offensive or not. Like I said in the last paragraph, all you need is faith.

If you have faith that the book above is chock full of sin, decadence, and big sloppy orgies, then that is exactly what is in that book. That is more than enough evidence to condemn any pieces of literature or art for that matter. Actually reading a book is taking a big step away from blind faith and into devil-serving heresy. Resist the temptation sir. Do not give in to the seductive siren song of that demon owl.

PRAISE THE LORD!!! HALLELUJAH!!! THE PASTOR DID REDEEM HIMSELF: However, if the review is any indication, it is wise to obey the command of the Holy Ghost by the Apostle that says, " Abstain from all appearance of evil"(1Thessalonians 5:22), and not to be influenced by its ungodly teachings.

Exactly! See, your blind faith answers everything. It is as divinely perfect as God Himself. You don't have to waste your time reading books or gathering evidence of any kind. Just rely on blind faith and you'll have the answer every time. That's what made Salem, Massachusetts in 1692 such a party town. By pronouncing all those guilty verdicts with little or no evidence, they got a lot more done in a short period of time. We should all take a lesson from them.

I like the way Pastor Bonitto talks. the way he backs up every single point he makes with a Bible verse, sounds a lot like this monkey of mine:

A monkey a have new found respect for by the way. Here's my rendering of the good pastor and my monkey in action. I think they look good together, don't you?

Oh, by the way, that friend of mine who contacted the Pastor, he has a book on sale too. It's called God, Yes! Hell, No!

In his book, he asserts that there is indeed a God that is in control of this universe but that there is no Satan and no Hell. He even uses a lot of Biblical references to show that Christian (and Jewish) doctrine seem to agree with him. It's quite an interesting read. He almost makes Moses sound like Charles Manson in some spots (or at least some kind of an unstable cult leader anyway). You can look for his book in stores like Chapters or you can buy it on Amazon right here. And, of course, while you're doing some online shopping, feel free to pick up a copy of my Jesus Needs Help book as well. You don't have to read them because that would be evil of course. Just buy them. You'll be glad you did.

Rapture: Take 2

2011-10-19T17:16:00.007-06:00

Remember when Pastor Harold Camping predicted that the world would end on May 21? Also remember when nothing even resembling a rapture happened and then he went into hiding? Well, now that same man has come forward and told us that his calculations were a bit off (I guess he forgot to excommunicate the integer or something). Now, he's saying that the rapture will happen on October 21 which is THIS COMING FRIDAY!!!

But, there is good news. You can easily come out looking good through this whole ordeal by purchasing a book about Jesus, just like the angel in the picture below.

You can order a copy of this book here. Or if you prefer, you can order the Kindle version here. As you can see, if you order it right now you can have it in your possession just in time for the rapture on Friday. (No, seriously, this is the book to have on judgement day. If God came down to bring worthy souls back to Heaven with Him and just saw you reading the Bible, he'd say, "Dude, that's just obvious." Trust me, this is the book that will get you raptured indefinitely.)

Alright, ok, that R.E.M. song at the top is a pretty good song to play while the world is ending. But, I think the song immediately below this last paragraph is a more fitting rapture song for most of the people on this planet. I'm pretty sure that's how the rapture's going to be for me. Maybe we should all sing a few choruses of this song to the good Pastor as this Armageddon is unfolding.

Happy pitchfork dodging everyone.

[Well, it looks like another rapture prediction has come and gone and once again it's simply been business as usual. But, hey, you know the saying, "3rd times the charm". Maybe Pastor Camping's next prediction will be right. (I hope his next rapture prediction is for my birthday.

That would be a cool way to celebrate.)

Anyway, whenever the rapture comes, even if it doesn't, it's still a good idea to have a copy of my book in your possession. It might earn you Cherubim Points in the afterlife, you never know. But mostly, just buy it because it's a "damn" good book.]

Veritas

2011-10-14T14:39:00.013-06:00

As of October 13 of 2011, my book Jesus Needs Help is available at Veritas Catholic Books & Gifts.

There it is right on the store shelf right beside some other seemingly intriguing books.

Veritas has 3 locations:

1546 Barrington Street
Halifax, NS

Suite 2, 445 Sackville Drive
Lower Sackville, NS

And in St. Bernard’s Veritas Outlet at 8 Old Enfield Rd, Enfield, NS near the airport. So, if you're arriving in Halifax either from somewhere else or returning from somewhere else, you should definitely take a little excursion to Enfield as see my book. You'll be glad you did.

Another video from Anwar al-Awlaki

2011-10-05T07:08:00.002-06:00

Well, it's just a little clip. I just isolated the parts where, yes, he talks about my book Jesus Needs Help. You can view it here. Yikes! I hope his followers aren't naive and stupid enough to actually believe all the things he just said.

My Montreal Adventures

2011-09-21T08:54:00.060-06:00

The Con. itself wrapped up on Sunday but I just got back from Montreal yesterday. My shoulders are still sore from lugging all my stuff around. All in all, I'd say it was a fun time. I sold more than a few copies of my book and a few little framed pictures of the Censor Monkeys that I brought along. I even managed to sell one the decorations I had for my table. Y'see, I took a few selected panels from my book Jesus Needs Help and blew them up as sort of a sneak peek into the contents. One guy wanted to buy one of those. I sold it for $1. he was happy, I was happy. Everybody wins.

I also had the good fortune to be seated beside the creators of a popular comic series Kill Shakespeare. I haven't read it myself, but I listen to the guys give their pitch about it over and over. It's basically Shakespearian fan fiction in way only much more sophisticated. Different artists take various characters from Shakespeare's plays and creates entirely new scenarios with them. The example they kept giving was "Juliet meets Hamlet". I'll have to pick up a copy and read it sometime. I should have bought one there damnit, especially since they were so nice to even help me with the promotion of my book. Whenever some people came to my booth, one those guys would say "that is the best book about Jesus and monkeys

ever written". There's certainly no argument against that. Although at one point I let one of them read a copy of my book. His opinion of it after that was "fun and surprising". That's pretty much what I was going for with this book so in that sense it's a success.

Sitting on the other side of me was a 13 year old prodigy named Devon Anthony-Leneveu. His mom was there to support him too. He only liked drawing guns and images he's seen playing the Halo games. I personally prefer to draw a bigger variety of subjects, but he's doing what all true artists do, he draws what inspires him. That is exactly what everyone should do. The art with the most integrity is created that way.

As far as reactions to my book goes, I definitely got a better reception than I did from those brainless people at the flea markets. Here at the comic con, responses ranged from "I love the way your mind works" to "What is this?" Yes, somebody actually asked that question. Well, let's see, we're at a COMIC BOOK CONVENTION and the product I'm selling has a front cover and some pages with panels containing artwork and speech balloons. Gee whiz, I wonder what it could be. Oh well, like another girl who approached my table commented, this book of mine does not appeal to idiots (which unfortunately seems to be a huge market these days).

Anyway, here's a floor plan on the convention hall. My spot is marked with a little black arrow.

And also, this was my "back in a few minutes" sign:

Okay, there's a bunch of pictures to post. I'll organize them here by the day they were taken. Here we go.

FRIDAY

Friday was the day for us to come in and set up our booths. This was mine. This display definitely caught many people's eyes. There's a copy of my book all propped up for display along with those 10 small pictures of the monkeys I mentioned before. Not too shabby, I'd say.

I knew Stan Lee's table would be a zoo. I certainly wasn't looking forward to paying $50 just to be treated like cattle on my way to meet Stan Lee. So, on Friday, before anyone was there, I sat in Stan Lee's chair and took this picture. Yes, I know, in the comic book industry that's like peeking under the Pope's robe and letting out a wolf whistle. But, there I am at the big man's table. Instead of me getting his autograph, he got my bum print in his chair as my autograph. I hope he appreciates it. (He won't.)

Next, I went over to Burt Ward's table and also took a picture there thinking that's the closest I'd get to him. But, I was surprised that on Saturday I was able to get Burt Ward's autograph with ease. Adam West's table was the predictable zoo while Burt's was more like a small petting zoo. In hindsight, both Adam and Burt should have been seated at the same table I guess. If I was just a simple patron of this event I'd consider it a huge inconvenience to pay $50 and wait for Mr. West's autograph and then pay $40 to wait for Mr. Ward's. But, like I said, I did get Mr. Ward's autograph and I didn't even really spend too much time away from my own table either. Here it is:

I got him to sign the proof copy of my book. His agent told me that "Mr. Ward will sign anything within reason". When I showed him the copy of my book, he considered it within reason, so on I went to Burt. He seemed apprehensive about it at first conferring with his agent making sure my book was thoroughly checked out. Once it was a go, I got that autograph from the Boy Wonder. Although, I think he would have been happier if I had him sign one of the little glossy pictures of himself as Robin instead. He may think I'm kind of a dick. But hey, Burt Ward thinks I'm kind of a dick!!! That's still exciting.

Then it was on to Adam West's table. Some people caught me before I could get a decent picture so I just snapped this one quickly. That's why I'm kind of a fish mouth right now. Hey, that would make a cool Batman villain: Fish Mouth. Get working on it, DC.

Saturday

Ah, the big day has arrived. Let the profiteering begin!

Obi-wan Kenobi stopped by my booth to look at my wares. "The force is strong with this one." he's saying to himself.

Did you know that some Stormtroopers were Mormons? I did not know that before this convention. I guess they're the ones at the Cantina just having Wookie Milk. Here's one of them now looking at my stuff. (I betcha he also thinks the Ewoks are another lost tribe of Israel. I could see that happening.)

I thought it would be funny to have someone with a sign saying "The End is Nigh" right beside a book with Jesus in it. But, it turns out that this girl was just a snob who didn't care. Whatever. Keep walking, Missy.

Uh oh! Look who I caught in a quiet little corner of the convention. I always knew there was something between those two.

Great costume. I wish I knew what book or movie it came from. Anyway, she liked my stuff too.

R2D2 made an appearance near my table as well. He didn't buy a book though, the little bastard. I hope Darth Maul cuts him in half.

Oh hey, this was fun. There was a film crew making a documentary about super heroes at the convention. They stopped by my table, got a shot of my book and gave me an interview. That's a nice bit of free publicity for me, if they use any of my footage that is. Hopefully they don't make me look like a jerk.

Scooby Doo even stopped by. But he couldn't solve the mystery of who took my pants. Oh well, I'm sure the ladies in attendance preferred that mystery to remain unsolved yaknowhatimsayin. ;)

Ah ha! Captain Jack Sparrow stopped by for a look-see. I think he wishes he was back in Davy Jones locker right now.

Here's two cute girls who look interested. One is dressed like Sally from Tim Burton's Nightmare Before Christmas and the other is dressed like a character from Death Note.

This right here is Sergio Aragones, a veteran artist who has been contributing to MAD Magazine for a little over 5 decades now. And here he is looking at my book. I pointed out to him one panel inwhich I "borrowed" a facial expression that he quite often puts on his characters. I put that expression on Jesus' face in this panel right here:

When he saw that, his face lit up and he said, "that's how we learn". And you know what, he's right. Our conversation ended with him saying "good luck with that" in a way that sounded a little backhanded to me. But maybe I was just hearing things. It was very cool to meet him.

Apparently, Mr. Aragones speaks fluent Spanish AND French along with a smattering of broken English. I never knew that before. Wow! The surprising things you learn at conventions.

SUNDAY

It was on Sunday that I got a picture of the Batmobile. As you can see, it's guarded by the military AND Spiderman. Good luck hot wiring that sucker.

Also in attendance was the delorian from Back to the Future.

Sunday was also the day that I got Neal Addams' autograph. He also signed the proof copy of my Jesus Needs Help book, right beside Burt Ward's. He made me shake hands with him 4 times before he did it though. He must be Catholic +1. He's a super nice guy though. Some of his drawings cost a whole $600. Respect!

This one will mostly be of interest to my sister and future brother-in-law. Hey, you guys, your cat Sgt. Slaughter had a booth at the Montreal Comic Con this year. Do you recall any time last weekend when he seemed to have "mysteriously disappeared"? Well, he was in Montreal charging $20 for his autograph. Every time I passed by his booth there was a line up that went waaaaaaaay around the corner. Stan Lee was even a little jealous. Most of the time, the good Sgt. was well behaved except for that one time when he scratched Burt Ward. But, most of the con's attendees will tell you that Burt had it coming. Even Adam West was telling Burt a thing or three afterwards. But, that little bit of ugliness passed pretty quickly. Most of the time it was fun.

I'll bet you're wondering what happened to all of that autograph money. Well, you should have seen him at the Montreal Casino that night. Holy jeez, he was knocking back $50 margaritas at the roulette table until dawn. He would have won more often at roulette if he didn't try to play with that white marble all the time. I heard he was finally kicked out at about 6:30 am.

I hope you two are feeding him catnip-blend coffee to help him wind down after this weekend. You can bet he needs it.

Here's Jeremy Bulloch, the original Boba Fete. I found him before the con started up on Sunday and got this picture of him. I even showed him that picture of "him" kissing Darth Vader. He thought it was funny, but I also think he thinks I'm crazy. He gets no argument from me.

Here are some girls who stopped by to take a look at my stuff. I'm not sure who they're dressed like, but one of them wore leather and had a whip. Come to think of it, that might have been more of a work uniform than a costume. Either way, I'm glad she stopped by.

The characters from Pokemon stopped by to check out my table. Then later they used those mystical balls to shoot lasagna at the moon while a small army of fruit flies masturbates to ABBA. (I think that's what happens on the show. I've never seen it.)

Next, it was celebrity-meeting time for me. Here I am standing beside one Erin Grey of both Buck Rogers and Silver Spoons fame. There was a small incident at first though. As soon as I stepped behind the curtain standing face to face with Mz Grey, an assistant with a deep, raspy Tone Loc type of voice kept saying something that sounded like "Take it!" Either that or "Naked!" "Take it naked?" "What kind of photo shoot is this?" I was thinking. But, after the third repetition, I realized he was saying "Ticket!" So, I handed him the ticket I had paid $30 just moments before and then I and Erin snapped this picture. (Seriously, lose some phlegm, guy).

In this picture, you'll notice that with my arm wrapped around her my hand is clearly visible on her shoulder. However, her other hand is nowhere in sight. Well, there's a very VERY obvious reason for that. (I still can't sit down because of the bruise).

As I was leaving, I said to her, "thank you, Mrs. Straton". I felt stupid immediately afterwards. Oh well. I got this picture. I'm fine with that.

While I was waiting for my Erin Grey picture to be ready, Mercedes McNab walked passed me and stepped behind the curtain for her photoshoot. I missed my chance to take a quick picture, so the best I could get of her was this. She's the tall blond figure in the centre of the frame. Hopefully other attendees got better shots of her.

Here's a shot of a landspeeder. Oh, and look, there's R2D2 again.

"Hey, R2, buy a book why doncha?!"

"Bleep. Bleep. Blorp-a WHEEP! Burmp burmp!"

"Ok! I am totally going to find C3PO to have that translated and THEN you'll be in trouble."

Here's a costume I didn't think I'd see at any comic con. Someone came dressed as a Saskatchewan resident. Coincidentally, these people happened to actually be Saskatchewan residents which made their costumes look much more authentic. These people showing up sure made me homesick. GO RIDERS!!!

Hey, it's-a Mario. He's-a come-a to look at-a my book. Well, he's not glowing orange so he can't shoot fireballs at me. That's a relief.

And then this stitched up cat lady came over to look at my stuff. For the record everyone, it was not my intention to arrange everything on my table so that girls had to bend over just to get a closer look at everything. That's just the way things happened. Not that anyone's complaining though.

Well, the Con was officially over at 6:30 p.m. At that time we were all

required to take our displays down, packthem up and go. So, I did just that. I packed everything of mine into one suitcase and walked three blocks back to hostel at which I was staying. I decided to have supper at the hostel's little cafe called The Globetrotter. I had eaten there before with no problem. But this time, the sandwich I ordered contained some very hot jalapino peppers for which I was not prepared. All I will say about that night is that my digestive system was NOT happy with me and I consider it a divine miracle that I managed to get any sleep at all. (I'm still feeling the effects of that ordeal in fact).

MONDAY

With the Montreal Comic Con just a memory to me, Monday was my day to go sightseeing. Some friends of mine recommended that I check out Old Montreal and the casino. I found time for both.

Here's a nice looking statue. Who is it? Let's find out.

Apparently, it's a statue of Hon. John Young who lived from 1811 to 1878. I'm assuming he did other things besides pose for this statue. If anyone here knows, please inform me. Thank you.

There's a nice building.

There's another nice building.

Here's a great looking church. I forget the name of it though.

Here's the Bonsecours Market. I bought some gifts for my nephews there. I hope they like them.

My friend was right about Old Montreal. It is a beautiful area of town with cobblestone streets that take you right back to the days before confederation. Lots of quaint little shops and restaurants too.

After my visit to Old Montreal, I hopped aboard the Metro and travelled down to John Drapeau Park which is located on one of the dirt islands that was used to hold Expo 67. Right there is the Biosphere, the biggest set of monkey bars in the world. No, the big kids won't let you play on it.

This is one of the three rivers that runs through Montreal. Let's see if I can name them all. Okay................ first there's the................. um.................. Framboise Poutine, ................... the Cochon Dans le Salle de Bain, ........................... and......................... French Toast. Yeah, I think that's right.

Hey, I think this was the site of an Olympic event back in 1976. I'm not quite sure which event it could have been. The 100 meter sprint jump maybe? Or the long distance bobsled? Dwarf toss? Whatever the event was, I'm sure Canada lost.

My last visit of the day was the casino. I must that my friend was right, it is an impressive building. The inside is nice too although I had some trouble finding my way around. I did manage to do some gambling though. I'm proud to say that I turned a measly $20 into a staggeringly impressive jackpot of $25. BEST GAMBLER EVER!!! I celebrated with an overpriced hamburger and then went back to the hostel.

The next day I flew back home and thus that concludes my Montreal adventure. I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to all the other artists in Artists' Alley. I would have loved to visit each of your tables and maybe purchased a drawing or two, but I was busy with my own stuff at my own table. I wish all of you the best of luck.

Like I said before. This trip was exhausting but fun. But, most importantly, it was productive. I definitely do not regret attending. I'd love to attend next year with a whole other book to sell. Who knows which celebrities I'll be annoying then.

Longue vie expression artistique!

A review from Bill O'Reilly and Dennis Miller. (tee hee)

2011-09-05T19:57:00.001-06:00

Jesus Needs Help is now available on the Kindle

2011-08-18T13:01:00.006-06:00

Mrs. Smythsmythington: Oh, look. Jesus Needs Help is on the kindle.

Mrs. Corgi: Oooooooh! What's it doing there?

Mrs. Smythsmythington: Just standing about I suppose.

Mrs. Smythsmythington: What do you think Jesus needs help with?

Mrs. Corgi: I don't know. Read the bloody book.

Mrs. Smythsmythigton: Oh, I hadn't thought of that.

Mrs. Corgi: Well then what were you going to do with the book then if you didn't know you had to read it?

Mrs. Smythsmythington: I hadn't thought of that either.

Mrs. Corgi: You're a git.

Mrs. Corgi: Ooooooh! Apparently, putting Jesus Needs Help on the kindle costs $1.99 American.

Mrs. Smythsmythington: How much is that in British pounds?

Mrs. Corgi: Do I look like a bloody currency conversion calculator?

Mrs. Smythsmythington: BURMA!!!!

Mrs. Corgi: Why did you say that?

Mrs. Smythsmythington: I panicked.

Mrs. Corgi: Well then, next time just... OOOOH!!

PHHHHHHHHHT!!

And now...

...it's...

Buy Jesus Needs Help on kindle for $1.99.

Item for sale on eBay

2011-07-28T12:37:00.003-06:00

That item right there is for sale. All 10 Censor Monkeys each in their own frame signed by me. You have less than 10 days to take advantage of this offer. To make it easier to find on eBay, this entire post is a link.

OOOOH! On the radio.

2011-07-25T12:43:00.003-06:00

That's right, I was on the radio recently, and I didn't even have to become a sultry disco queen to do it. (Maybe next time). Also, by the way, I totally predicted this would happen. ;)

I was indeed on the (how-is-this-not-obsolete-yet) chattering box just this passed July 19 talking about my book on The Book Club. Although it wasn't just me alone in that booth. There was another guest on the show at the same time. His name was Jim Cochenoff (I hope I spelled that right). The title of his book eludes me tight now. They might have mentioned it on the show so listen for it. I do remember that his book talks about all his favourite action movies from the 1960's through to today. We both took turns getting in our 2¢ about our books (which I think by the end of the show added up to $1.37).

Without further ado, I have embedded that very radio in this blog post for your listening pleasure. The entire show is about 1 hour and 7 minutes which I have divided up into four parts. So, you may want to make sure you're nice and cozy, maybe even get a snack or two, before hitting the play button. I should also point out that the show is kind of quiet, at least it sounds that way on my computer. If it's too quiet for you too, then it would be a good idea to pull out the good speakers and make sure everything and everybody around you shuts up.

Here it is in it's entirety. Enjoy:

Book Club radio show Part 1 by Daffyduckandthedinosaur

Book Club radio show Part 2 by Daffyduckandthedinosaur

Book Club radio show Part 3 by Daffyduckandthedinosaur

Book Club radio show Part 4 by Daffyduckandthedinosaur

Some recent work I did

2011-07-22T08:21:00.002-06:00

Just less than a month ago, I did some animation work for a client. It's someone I met at the Ottawa Animation Festival last year. Her name is Melanie Persuad and her project is something she calls Alcowda. It's about a mad cow who becomes a terrorist. If you click that link, you'll see the animation I did in the upper right corner. It's that shot clip of her in the TV set.

Are you interested in how I constructed that? Sure you are. After Melanie sent me the sound file, I quickly drew up some rough key drawings in Flash to get the basic idea of how it is going to look. Then I sent that file to her for approval. Here's the file I sent to her:

mad_cow_roughkeys by Daffyduckandthedinosaur

Thankfully, she approved that immediately. No time consuming revisions for me. Hooray! So, the next step was to ad in all the other drawings so that the action looks as smooth as possible. Here's that:

mad_cow_rough_animation by Daffyduckandthedinosaur

After that, there was nothing left to do but clean it all up and send it off. Finally, here's my finished product:

mad_cow_finished by Daffyduckandthedinosaur

All in all, it took me about a week and a half to do all that. Yes, I admit that the animation is quite limited (like say 3rd season of The Flintstones kind of limited) but I think it looks like she's alive and that her personality is coming across. In animation, that pretty much all you need to accomplish.

Good advice:

2011-07-17T10:54:00.003-06:00

For a closer look:

"What book am I talking about?", you ask. THIS BOOK, you jackass!

Montreal Comic Con

2011-06-29T17:31:00.020-06:00

This year, the Montreal Comic Con is happening from September 17 - 18 at the Place Bonaventure in beautiful down town Montreal. I definitely know how beautiful the scenery is in down town Montreal. I was stuck in traffic there for about 2 hours one time. What else can you do in that time but look at the scenery? (All while hoping you're in the right lane the whole time). Anyway, about the convention, this year promises to be just as much fun or even more fun than last year. There are some big time celebrities in attendance. No doubt their meet 'n' greet sessions will be amazing. Here's just a small sampling of the whole line up:

Stan Lee - Yep, the man who reinvented comic books himself. I'm certain that most of the people reading this right now don't need to be told that Mr. Lee is an accomplished writer, editor, publisher, and a long time president of Marvel comics who developed such insanely popular charcters as Spiderman, the Incredible Hulk, the Fantastic Four, X-Men, Thor, Iron Man, Daredevil, and Dr. Strange and along with all these characters created Marvel's own distinct universe. So, there's no need to tell you all of that. All that needs to be said is that he will be at the Montreal Comic Con this year giving a talk, greeting his fans, and healing the lepers (oh, whoops, wrong messiah).

Adam West and Burt Ward - Holy Poutine!! Are those two really going to be in Montreal together?? Yes they are. There's also going to be a replica of the original Bat Mobile on display. I haven't heard any mention of Yvonne Craig (Bat Girl) showing up or if Bruce Lee's daughter is going to attack Burt Ward and finally get revenge for her father's stalemate with him 45 years ago. But, as it is with any con, there's always surprises.

Mercedes McNab - She's that Playboy and FHM magazine pin up girl who became famous for playing Harmony Kendall on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. She's going to be sharing the love with her fans all throughout this con. (Take that to mean anything you want, sickos).

David Prowse - Yes, the ORIGINAL Darth Vader. He's going to be there greeting fans but hopefully not bringing too many people over to the dark side. Maybe if we all ask him nicely, he'll give us a sperm sample so that we can prove once and for all if Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker's father or not. The results of this test could change everything.

Michael Dorn - He's the actor who played the nice Klingon on Star Trek the Next Generation. He'll hand out autographs too. ghaH DIchDaq chot lIj wa'DIch bogh puq chugh SoH QeH ghaH tlhej lIj mu'mey!!!!!!! Translate that. You know you want to.

Gil Gerard and Erin Grey - They both starred in Buck Rogers of the

25th Century. Gil played Buck Rogers himself while Erin played the beauty with brains Colonel Wilma. They will also be in attendance signing autographs and talking of memories past. (Oh, by the way, here's another fun bit of trivia. Erin Grey also portrayed Kate, the "mom" on Silver Spoons, another beauty with ........brains?)

Sergio Aragones - Personally, out of all the people who will be attending this comic con in September, Sergio is the one I am the most excited to

see. His work has had a very huge impact on me and many of the things I try to do. If don't know who he is (and I think you should be shot for not knowing), he is the guy who draws all those little silent (mostly) one panel cartoons in Mad Magazine. Most of the time they're in the margins beside the main articles, but sometimes he gets a few pages all for himself. Truly a great and creative mind. He must run to a nearby farmer's field and rub his head in the manure pile in order to make the ideas in his brain so fertile. Oh, he also makes that long-running comic book Groo.

Jim Starlin - With a career dating as far back as the early 1970's, Starlin revamped Captain Marvel and Adam Warlock, and co-created Thanos, Dreadstar, and Shang Chi - Master of Kung Fu. He'll be there.

Gail Simone - She is a multi-award winning writer of comics and animation. Some of her books include Deadpool, Agent X, Birds of Prey, and Gen13. Right now, she is kept quite busy at DC Comics what with writing for Wonder Woman, Secret Six and The Justice League. But, she graciously took time out of that hectic schedule to talk with her fans in Montreal. Gee, she's swell.

Herb Trimpe - The first guy who ever drew Wolverine. All must bow to his glory.

And that's just to name a small few of the well known actors and artists who will participating in the festivities.

Oh yeah, there's one more person I should mention that will be in attendance..........

MMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

Yep! I have secured myself a booth at the Montreal Comic Con with the goal of selling copies

of my own comic book Jesus Needs Help. What better place to sell a comic book than at a comic con, right? If you're planning on attending this con, definitely come by my booth and pick yourself up a copy. Who knows, maybe Stan Lee will emerge from his entourage walk over to where I'm at just long enough to spit on me. Anything and everything can happen.

Or, if you're not able to attend this con for any reason, you can still buy my book on Amazon. Now that the postal strike is over in Canada, Amazon should be able to have my book delivered to Canadian residences without much of a problem now (well, no more than usual anyway).

See you ninjas there!!

On the air live in 3, 2, 1...

2011-05-31T23:01:00.014-06:00

Exactly two weeks from today, I will be broadcasting live on the radio. The good people at station CKDU 88.1 FM in Halifax Nova Scotia have graciously allowed me to go on their station to promote my book Jesus Needs Help. I'll be on a program called The Book Club on June 14 at 1:30 pm Atlantic Standard Time until 2:30 pm. The host is one Stephen Clare, a very articulate young man who will no doubt ask me the hard questions to make me sweat a little but yet still keep things nice and friendly. If your radio is strong enough to pick up that station's frequency, definitely feel free to listen in. If you can't pick up the signal in your area, not to worry. The show will be available for podcast immediately afterwards. Just search the CKDU website through the archives, you're sure to find it.

Some of you may have noticed that I haven't been advertising my book here or anywhere else in the passed few months. That's mostly because I've been kept busy with something else, mainly helping my sister out by babysitting her kids / my nephews every day since mid April.

That's them. Their names are Michael and Gabriel. Couldn't you just stuff them into an over-the-shoulder tote bag and feed them pellets? (I may do that with them on Thursday). That's what's been occupying my time as of late. I've hardly had any time for much else. That should change in a few weeks when I'll be back home and able to concentrate on things better. Who knows how I'll be promoting my book in the next few months. Maybe one of you good folks reading this blog post have a suggestion (Just keep it clean and try not to use too many synonyms for guano).

Final reminder: Listen for David Germain on the radio sitting down with Stephen Clare to discuss the book Jesus Needs Help on The Book Club on station 88.1 FM CKDU on Tuesday, June 14, 2011 starting at 1:30 pm Atlantic Standard Time. If you miss it, kick yourself in the shins really hard.

I almost forgot, fellow babies, "BOOGERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! "

Another update: There's been some more rescheduling at the station. Now I'll be on the show July 19. Remember, that's CKDU 88.1 FM in Halifax on July 19 from 1:30 p.m. to 2:30 p.m.

Is this funny or offensive?

2011-04-17T13:22:00.000-06:00

...or neither? Or both?

I MET IGGY

2011-04-03T19:34:00.016-06:00

No, not that Iggy.

That's Ziggy.

No, that's Augie.

Geezuz!! That's Squiggy over there.

That's another Ziggy.

No, I didn't meet him.

WHAT??!! That's Engelbert Humperdink. Are you some kind of moron???

No, the Iggy I met today was none other than the leader of the Liberal Party of Canada, namely Michael Ignatief.

For those in this world who don't know (or care), Canada is in the middle of an election campaign right now. Prime Minister Stephen Harper was held in contempt of Parliament and so now in about exactly a month's time, Canada will be going to the polls. Many Canadians don't forsee any surprises with the voting results, but you can't always tell at this point in the game. Anything could happen.

Anyway, I was in attendance at the Liberal rally at the Westin Hotel in Halifax today. It was a pretty good turnout. They had to utilize an overflow banquet room in order to accommodate all the people that showed up. Iggy did indeed please the crowd that was there. He held up a red book full of campaign promises (look familiar, Canada?) and made a speech full of positive reinforcement for the party and loads of seemingly well-supported Harper bashing. Luckily, I'm all for Harper-bashing so I was happy with that.

After the speech was done, his theme song played and he made his way out of the banquet room where people were lined up on either side of him ready to shake his hand and tell him how great he is. I was among those people in that line. But, what I did was give him a copy of my book Jesus Needs Help. He didn't seem so enthusiastic about it when he saw it, but his wife assured me that she will make sure he reads it. Immediately afterwards, the book was given to Iggy's aid in charge of schleping around all the gifts he gets. That aid asked me if I had a card with any other contact information on it. I did, so I gave him that too. So, a long story short, a candidate for Prime Minister has a copy of my book. If he does happen to become Prime Minister on May 2 (the day the polls open), then it will be Canada's Prime Minister who will have a copy of my book. Hooray!

But, Iggy's campaign does seem to be in trouble. I could tell when he first looked at my book. He read the title "Jesus Needs Help" and then he hung his head and said in a low forlorn voice, "I need help". Hmmmmmmmmmm! That's not nearly as confident as he sounded when he made that fired up speech just moments before. He seems to feel that things look really good for Harper and not nearly good enough for him at this point. But, like I said before, anything could happen. So, unless you feel Harper is doing a good job, (in which case I'd tell you that there is a time machine leaving for 1214 A.D. that glorious year just before the Magna Carta was signed. I think you'll be much happier there.) I think it would do Iggy a world of good if you voted for him or at least came out to any other of his rallies on the campaign trail and showed him some support. That might put a little more spring in his step. Just looking out for you buddy.

But, I should probably end this tale on a happy note. So, right below is another Iggy for you to enjoy.

Oh, but before I go, I have some other news I feel I should post here. That book of mine that I previously mentioned (namely Jesus Needs Help. Does everyone know the title of my book yet?) is now for sale in Berlin Germany. Oh, you don't believe me??!! Well, here's a photograph:

There it is, right near a Sarah Palin comic of all things. If you're in the Berlin area right now, the address of this comic book shop is Grober Unfug, Berlin, Mitte Torstr 75. Buy your copy before the "other guys" get it.

Planning a trip to the windy city?

2011-03-23T18:07:00.001-06:00

If so, you'll want to watch this short video first.

I'm in print again

2011-03-11T16:38:00.006-06:00

Once again, a little comic of mine has appeared in the Dalhousie Gazette. This issue is all about

food, but my comic is not. Here's the comics page below. My comic has the bunnies in it.

You obviously can't read the speech balloons no matter how far you zoom in to the picture, so I will indeed post the original comic from my computer. Enjoy!

I find it rather interesting that they found the breast-feeding joke in the last comic too gruesome but they think the dying bunnies are just fine. Everyone has a different drummer to march to I guess.

Oh, hey, I guess now I'll post some book news. I'll be selling copies of Jesus Needs Help at a Flea Market this comic Sunday March 13. The address for this is 613 Main Street in Dartmouth, Nova Scotia. Anyone who lives in that or in any surrounding areas, come down and see me, maybe even buy a book from me. I'll even autograph it if you ask.

See ya there!

Unpublished again

2011-02-20T08:50:00.006-06:00

Some time ago, I posted a comic that I had submitted to the Dalhousie Gazette that they didn't accept for various reasons. Well, it's happened again, although for slightly different reasons.

The one that was rejected before was more political in its nature and so their objection was more based on the lack of civility in my opinion. However, this one is not political in any sense. It's just a small joke that they found disturbing. It does feature a bit of nudity so it does push the envelope for that reason too. I thought the joke was strong enough to overcome both those conditions, but I guess I miscalculated a bit. I've posted it

below. You be the judge.

It comes across as a rather risque Addams Family gag. I also notice that the punchline is a very

blunt mixture of sex and violence, much like AC/DC's song Shoot to Thrill. As disturbing as that is to some people, the thing that I find most disturbing in this comic is that Mrs. Hannibal

Lecter came out resembling the Progressive Insurance lady. I don't know where that came from.

I'd also like to mention a rather small belated anniversary. My blog here turned 5 years old

last Friday. In those 5 years, my blog has survived 2 trolls, one published book, a small smattering of comments, and a huge wave of indifference. It's true that blogs aren't nearly as popular with artists as they used to be. Some have been taken down while most have been abandoned. But, I'm certainly not going to let that stop me. I'm not one to jump on and off bandwagons just to follow a big crowd of strangers. As long as there are vast easy-to-use search engines like Google around, I know my work and my voice will be accessible to everyone.

Happy birthday, little bloggy. I can't wait for another 5 years when I'll probably be uploading files from space.

I made some ink

2011-02-11T16:48:00.005-06:00

I drove down to Dalhousie University today to pick up my copy of the Gazette because I know that new issues come out every Friday.

According to the cover, this is the Feb 4 - 10 edition. Anyway, I turned right to the comic section and there it was...

That's my comic in the bottom right hand corner. It's hard to make any of it out in this blurry image. If you live in the Halifax area, you can easily pick up a copy of the Dalhousie Gazette yourself. It is free. For those that don't, I do happen to still have that comic filed away in my computer. I'll post it right here for all to read. Enjoy!

They liked it, of course, (they wouldn't have printed it if they didn't) and I'm glad. But, now that I look at it, the comic seems more depressing than funny to me. Oh well, the important thing is that my work is out there in the media giving me some name recognition. That can only lead to good things. I hope I get many more comics printed in the near future (as well as more books sold. Jesus Needs Help is still on sale.)

The Westboro Baptist Church has done it again.

2011-02-10T17:41:00.003-06:00

Leave it to good o'l Freddie Phelps to say something so tasteless. This time he's gone too far.

Penguins like it

2011-01-29T21:46:00.000-06:00

See?

Some work coming my way

2011-01-20T17:46:00.003-06:00

I'll take a little break from promoting my comic on this site to talk about a job I'll have in the near future. The good people who run the Dalhousie Gazette at the Dalhousie University here in Halifax want me to do some artwork for them on a regular basis. They want either comics for the comic section or illustrations for their opinion section. This should be some good work expereince for me, that's for sure.

Immediately below is the first comic I tried to submit. On the phone, they told me that the entire staff had a creative discussion about it and eventually decided not to run it. However, the managers of this blog went into a meeting about it and all unanimously decided that the comic was indeed ideal for this blog. As you can see, I weigh in with my opinion about the recent controversy over the reprint of Mark Twain's Huckleberry Finn. I think the comic speaks for itself about what my opinion is. Read for yourself.

Viva la free speech.

Not so fast

2011-01-17T18:05:00.009-06:00

I've just been told that Golden Age Comics in Vancouver is no longer a location that will be selling my Jesus Needs Help comic. It seems that one employee was happy to accept the comics for retail, but then another grumpy type of employee overrode him and flat out rejected

them. I'm not mad at anyone over this. It happens all the time when one is selling a comic, both to upstarts and veterans alike. That's not the only store in the world. I can easily take my business elsewhere.

This situation has piqued my curiosity however. I wonder what it was about my comic that upset him so much. Could it have been the subject matter? That doesn't seem too likely. From what I've

observed, comic book fans for the most part are notoriously hard to offend with subject matter. You could make the most blasphemous comment against God, country, and their momma and they would not even flinch. They would laugh uproariously until they lost the ability to breath, and then once their respiratory system was operational again, they'd continue their laughter, even if the joke wasn't all that funny. They'd tell you that you should have added more stuff about sodomy and pig's blood. BUUUUUUUUUUTTTT, if

you make the HORRIBLE MISTAKE of confusing Batman with Spiderman or something equally as heinous, THAT offends them. Then you're in for an earful of tears and bile from these people.

I know for sure that my comic book contains no misinformation about any popular comic book figures so the Golden Age employee couldn't have been offended by the subject matter. The only way he could have been offended at all would be because... >GASP<... he's not a real comic book fan. He must be one of those "normals" who gets offended too easily. It wouldn't be the first time a "normal" infiltrated a comic store. I was in Truro, Nova Scotia trying to sell my comic to a store there. The guy I met working there objected to how I portrayed Jesus as a "fictional character". (Although, anyone with a bizarre/paranoid opinion like that is not someone I would consider normal). Needless to say, I made no sale that day.

Of course, it may not be too late for Golden Age. If you live in the Vancouver area and you get

most or all of your comic book merchandise from Golden Age, it couldn't hurt to go there and ask for a copy of Jesus Needs Help. If enough people ask about it, they'll have no choice but to stock it. It would be nice if the 500th (or so) person, the one who manages to turn the tide and get my comic on their shelves, would bring in a nice, well cooked dish of crow for that one grumpy employee.

I can dream.

Vancouverites Rejoice...

2011-01-15T07:26:00.005-06:00

....or .........something. However you're feeling, you should definitely get naked and run around the block a few times. Then, throw a blanket around yourself and come into one of these two comic book shops*:

Golden Age

852 Granville St.

Vancouver, B.C.

Lucky's Comics

3972 Main St.

Vancouver, B.C.

The main reason you should do that is because I have it on good authority that they are now places where you can purchase a copy of my comic book Jesus Needs Help. I have no idea what the price of them are. That'll be up to the owner of either of those stores, I guess. All I know is that it can still be puchased online here and here both for $9.15.

Have fun kids!

*No, I do not recommend entering a store naked for two big reasons: 1. You don't have your wallet with you (unless you keep it in a "super secret" place) and 2. There's a sexual predator roaming the streets of Vancouver right now. So, maybe replace "get naked" at the top with "bring a can of mace".

A youtube ad for my comic

2011-01-14T19:26:00.000-06:00

Tell me what you think.

Now available in 'Toon Town

2010-12-31T11:52:00.009-06:00

And by Toon Town, I of course am referring to Saskatoon, Saskatchewan in Canada. I was up in Saskatoon rather recently to attend a reunion of sorts with some of my animation school buds. While I was there I decided to shop my comic book around to any stores in the area. In a strong contrast to my reception in Regina, they were much more enthusiastic and encouraging. In Regina, I was told "this [independent] stuff just doesn't move". In Saskatoon, I was told, "this girl brought her comic in to us and it sold and sold and sold. People were constantly asking for it." Well, I guess that shows you, if you want to sell a comic book in Saskatchewan then Saskatoon is the better place to be.

Here are the stores I sold my comic to in Toon Town:

8th Street Comics and Books

1006 8th Street E.

Saskatoon, Saskatchewan

Unreal City

139 2nd Ave. N

Saskatoon, Saskatchewan

In fact, the guy who worked at Unreal City seemed very enthusiastic about seeing my work. He even said that he would welcome any other comics I make in the future. He's just one of the many individuals in Saskatoon who will do anything within his power to help local artists (even artists who used to be local). He told me his name is Theo. I couldn't find a picture of him, so this one will have to do.

If you see him at Unreal City or someone similar, tell him David Germain says "hi".

Oh, hey, speaking of local artists. I discovered one when I was up there in toon town. Theo was showing me the independent comic section of his store and pulled out a comic done by Elaine Will. It was volume 1 of her graphic novel of sorts called Look Straight Ahead. It is so close to professional you'd swear Elaine lives on a big pile of money right now. Here's the front cover:

You can learn more about this comic and future issues here at her blog : lookstraightahead.blogspot.com

Hooray for free enterprise!!!

WOW! What a deal!!

2010-12-18T19:47:00.007-06:00

My comic book can now be found in another book store as of today. Just this afternoon I sold some copies to Phoenix Comics & Books located on 2105 Broad St. in Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada.

They'll be selling it for quite a bargain too. As you can see, online Jesus Needs Help is on sale for a whole $9.15. But, over there at Phoenix Comics & Books, they will be selling it for just $1. That's a whopping 90.85% off the regular price. However, it's probably only a good bargain for you if you happen to live in Regina. If you live anywhere else in the world, the price of gas and/or air fare would ruin an otherwise fine bargain. So, I put it to any Reginians reading this blog, head on down to Phoenix to take advantage of this deal.

Before you ask, yes I did try to get my comics into both Tramps and Comic Readers in Regina as well. However, they have a policy of not accepting comics from the public.

Well la-de-frickin'-da!

Oh well, like I've mentioned above, if you want to purchase my comic at below rock bottom prices and have plenty of money left over for other Christmas shopping AND you're fortunate enough to live in Regina, then by all means, head on over to Phoenix and do so. Also, if you are at all apprehensive about this purchase because you are unsure about its contents, well then you should definitely read this review that James E. Daniels did first.

Hurry, while supplies last.

Now sold in stores

2010-11-26T19:40:00.012-06:00

Yes, just today I sold the first copies of my comic to stores where they are now

available for sale. That's good news only if you live in Halifax and anyother surrounding areas. For the rest of you, if you want to buy my comic in a store near you, you'll have to demand it from the clerks themselves. "Hey, where are the issues of Jesus Needs Help?" you could ask. Try asking that question multiple times, getting louder and louder each time. Try banging your fist on the counter several times and then make your face turn blue. Aw, heck, go ahead and do a full Sam Kinison. Anything it takes to get my comic in your local establishment, that's all I ask.

If you are lucky enough to live in (or near) Halifax, here are the stores where my comic is available for purchase:

Strange Adventures

5262 Sackville Dr.

Quantum Frontier

Games and Comics

3087-A Robie St.

Monster Comic Lounge

In addition to that, I am hosting a Comic Book Launch Party on December 1.

It will be at the Economy Shoe Shop at 1663 Argyle St. in downtown Halifax. I'll be selling copies of my comic book there as well. If you live in the Halifax area and would like to attend, it would be a good idea to find the event on Facebook. Just search for "Jesus Needs Help" in the search bar and you should find it easily. (Hey, I found it just by typing "je").

And, of course, if you don't live in Halifax and my comic is not available in your local store, there is still the option of buying it online right here.

Thanks, everyone.

COMIC FOR SALE

2010-11-12T10:28:00.006-06:00

We've got a comic for sale.

A really good comic for sale.

Won't you buy it.

Take it home and try it.

A comic for sale.

See in the window a really good comic

full of charm and appeal.

Handsome, elegant, intelligent, sweet.

It's really ideal.

Don't you want a little comic you can call your own?

A comic that'll be with you when you're all alone.

"How much is that comic in the window?"

Take our advice at any price

a comic like this comic is mighty nice.

A comic. A real good comic for SAAAAAAAAAAAAAALE!!!

Yes, my comic entitled Jesus Needs Help is FINALLY available to the public. It looked touch and go there for a while. I was indeed getting worried. But, those fears have turned to sweet sweet relief now that my comic is here.

You can look for my comic on Amazon.com or you can very easily purchase it at my eStore. Enjoy yourselves everyone.

Yes, the comic book is almost ready

2010-10-27T10:39:00.006-06:00

I got the proofs back from Createspace today. Overall, the comic is looking pretty good. BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT, I found two very obvious mistakes, one a spelling error and one where an entire word got lost somehow. At any rate, I'll have to correct those mistakes and then re-upload the files all over again. This, of course, will cause a minor delay in my comic's release date.

While I was at the Ottawa International Animation Festival this passed week promoting the comic, people often asked if I had any samples of the artwork online. Well, I do now. Any one of you that I handed out a business card to at the festival and has even bothered to find this blog through the address I so conveniently put on each one, right below are a few samples of the artwork you will find (minus the dialogue). I hope this whets your appetite a bit more.

When my comic is finally ready, you'll be able to purchase it by clicking here. Enjoy!

Something WICKED this way comes

2010-09-02T18:27:00.002-06:00

That right there is the front cover for the comic book I'm working on. I'm hoping to have it done and on sale sometime next month. You'll most likely find it on Amazon.

(Oh, by the way, in the title of this blog post, the word 'wicked' is pronounced like a California surfer, as in the phrase "Whoa! That's wicked!!")

Tell me what you think so far.

HA! I found 'em!!

2010-08-31T22:20:00.007-06:00

For the passed few weeks, I was back in Regina helping out my family with a big move from one house to another. In amongst the grunting and the sweating (followed by the lifting of furniture and/or boxes full of old crap), there were times we reflected on distant memories. There were even moments of "AHA! I finally found it!!" as well. One of those moments came in the form of the drawings I posted below. Yes, a bit of an explanation is needed for those who were not involved.

Y'see, these were drawn back when I was attending an animation school in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan. It was my 3rd and final year there. The school had occupied the 5th and 9th floor of a very prominent mall in the downtown area. Much to everyone's dismay, the school had fallen into some dire economic problems (for reasons too depressing and nauseating to go into here). I'm going to protect the names of most of the people involved except for one: Andrew Butler. He was the manager of that mall at the time. He had always hated the school and, on top of that, his business practices most often resembled wolverine devouring a still-breathing caribou fawn. Therefore, our eventual departure from that mall was not pleasant.

So, as some people know (and some unfortunate others find out the hard way), when you piss off a cartoonist they get even with a pencil & paper. And that is precisely what I did. The results of which can be seen below. My original intention was to leave these drawings someplace where Mr. Butler (or one of his slimy cronies) would find it. But, I was advised against that. So, I tucked them away until I found them again and put them online just today.

I hope Mr. Andrew Butler himself sees this post of mine and spits out his coffee which results in the shorting out of his laptop.

Moral of the story: Never get a cartoonist mad at you.

Scary Monster

2010-07-05T06:09:00.003-06:00

The other day, a friend of mine was asking everyone to draw monsters that he could put up in his baby son's room. So, being not one to back away from a drawing challenge, I sent in my contribution: Cookie Monster's angry cousin.

His response to this picture was "it might be too scary for him". FAH! I think it'll be a character building experience for him. If he can sleep through the night with this face staring at him, he'll be a badass when he grows up. (That's just a theory though).

Tweety

2010-06-23T11:48:00.024-06:00

4 years ago on my birthday, I made a post about Daffy Duck. Last year, I did a post about Pepe Le Pew. This year, while commemorating my 36th time witnessing our planet revolve around the sun, I will talk about another woefully misunderstood character: Tweety.

Not only do most people not know what Tweety is all about, some are even confused about what gender he is. And, of course, too many people under the age of 10 only know Tweety as a corporate trademark to be plastered all over girly-girl merchandise (which of course only adds to the gender confusion). Today, in this blog post, I will attempt to fully elucidate on what is the true essence of Tweety. And, in order to do that, I have to first talk about where Tweety came from.

Tweety came from the delightfully disturbed mind of one Robert Emerson Clampett (known as Bob Clampett to friends and fans). In the year 1942, Bob and his staff thought it would be fun to do a cartoon about Abbott and Costello as cats. Of course, they couldn't just fill up 7 minutes with aimless banter. This wasn't one of those cheap, suffocating, modern cartoons where they're only allowed to spew aimless banter. This was the golden age of animation. Audiences demanded action. So, they figured that it would be a good idea for these 2 cats to try to catch a bird. But, rather than our regular type of bird like a robin, a sparrow, or a chickadee that could fly around with ease, they thought to use a relatively new born bird. In real life, they are mere hors d'oeuvres to cats. The joke here, of course, is that the Abbott and Costello cats (here named Babbitt and Catstello) are so inept that they can't even catch an easy meal like this. The result of this concept was the instant classic: A Tale of Two Kitties.

As you can see, this is unmistakably Tweety's debut as a character, catch-phrase and all. Tweety's design was based on a naked baby picture of Bob Clampett that his mother proudly

displayed in their home. (It's also been said that Bob designed the wattle on the beak of the pelican referee in Porky and Daffy after his own testicles and also had several drawings of Daffy Duck's beak in The Great Piggy-Bank Robbery resemble a vagina. But that's mere hearsay and speculation.) However, I think Tweety is more than just a physical caricature of Bob as a baby. Tweety also represents both sides of Bob Clampett's brain: the wide-eyed innocent youth as well as the relentless prankster. Remember that Clampett started working at the WB studio when he was only 17 years old. Though not entirely small (he stood 6'3"), he was viewed as innocent youngster at first. That is until everyone got a load of the constant pranks Bob would pull on everybody (Chuck Jones' unit got hit the most by his and his staff's onslaughts). Therefore, I think Tweety is truly Bob's most personal creation. I should also mention at this point that Tweety is indeed a sociopath (hopefully that wasn't a component of Bob's personality). Just look at Tweety's eyes as he watches his feline adversaries suffer all sorts of pain. There is not one ounce of remorse. There is never a feeling of "perhaps I've gone too far". Any remorse that Tweety DOES show is done with a venal level of disdainful sarcasm. It's almost as if the suffering of cats doesn't affect him at all. Plus, he's as strong as an ox when he wants to be. All of this put together made Tweety quite a powerhouse to deal with.

Of course, the censor board (back then just as much as today) are no stranger to compromising artistic integrity. They very wilfully violated the very personal identification between Tweety and Bob's baby picture by demanding that they cover up Tweety's "nudity". The "nude" Tweety appeared two more times in the cartoons Birdy and the Beast and Gruesome Twosome. Sadly, it was around that time that Bob Clampett was leaving the studio (some say he quit and others say he was fired, it might have been a little of both). One of the last acts Clampett performed before leaving was allowing Tweety to be adopted by long veteran director Friz Freleng which involved covering up Tweety's nude body. They eventually settled on exchanging the pink paint for yellow and making Tweety officially a canary.

The result was the 1947 cartoon Tweetie Pie. It was not only the first time Tweety was paired with Friz Freleng's creation Sylvester the Cat, it was also the first cartoon that won an Oscar for Warner Bros. An intersting side note: producer Edward Selzer didn't want Slvester to be paired with Tweety. He even demanded to Friz drop Tweety and use the woodpecker from the previous Sylvester cartoon. Not only did Friz vehemently refuse to back down, he even handed Mr. Selzer his pencil and said, "Here! If you're so smart, you do it." and went straight home. Later that night, Friz got a phone call at home. It was Mr. Selzer saying "Okay, do it your way." From then on, Sylvester and Tweety were a team. Here is that cartoon now:

Vezi mai multe video din Animatie

The Sylvester and Tweety team was a big hit with audiences with this cartoon. So much so that pretty soon, Warner Bros. had asked them to produce 3 Sylvester & Tweety cartoons every year. A task that I'm sure was quite daunting after a while.

Friz kept Tweety's personality relatively in tact with the first few cartoons he directed. Bad Ol' Putty Tat (c. 1949) somewhat reprises the vicious routineTweety gave to Catstello in A Tale of Two Kitties. In Home Tweet Home (c. 1950) Tweety attempts to "save" Sylvester as he's falling from the sky by placing a pillow on the ground. When Sylvester finally lands, it is suddenly revealed that the pillow contained a hidden anvil. "Who do you suppose put that in that pillow?" Tweety smugly asks. It was also at this time that the

series was emersed in some very ingenious premises such as in the cartoons Ain't She Tweet (c. 1952), Catty Cornered (c.1953), or the Oscar nominated Sandy Claws (c. 1955). However, as the 1950's waned on, it was clear that the series was merely cruising on auto-pilot. One last ingenious entry into the Sylvester & Tweety series was the Oscar winning Birds Anonymous (c. 1957). But it was surrounded by several other rather formulaic cartoons.

Not only that, Tweety was slowly changing throughout these cartoons. More and more, Tweety was doing less and less. In the cartoon Canary Row (c. 1950), Granny was introduced as Tweety's owner and protector. More often than not, from that point on, it was actually either Granny or a bull dog who would foil Sylvester's plans. Tweety would mostly observe from a safe vantage point. In Tweet and Sour (c. 1956), Tweety actually NEEDS Granny to save him from Sylvester. In Tweet Zoo (c. 1957), Tweety spends the last half of the cartoon perched on a tree inside the alligator cage where Sylvester can't even get near him. Check out this entry done late in the series. Tweet and Lovely (c. 1959):

Either the dog foiled Sylvester's traps or Sylvester ruined them himself. Tweety did absolutely nothing to protect himself.

This is the state in which Tweety languished for years, definitely after the original studio shut down. Finally, in 1996, the makers of Space Jam made a little attempt to return Tweety to his powerhouse roots. That's one of its highlights (among a long laundry list of major flaws).

But, soon afterwards, Tweety began to become an image to be posted on pink merchandise for girls along with Hello Kitty, Betty Boop, Dora the Explora, and the Disney princesses. Stuff like this:

There are even some girls with a relatively healthy obsession with him. I found more than a few of those in the Tweety Facebook group I commandeered. All of this has sadly lead way too many people to believe that Tweety may be a girl. I've been told he is even marketed as a girl in Israel.

Here's definite proof of Tweety's masculinity. Below is the original model sheet for Tweety's first cartoon.

Note that the bird's unofficial name in this cartoon was Orson (I assume he was named after

the highly acclaimed director Orson Welles). Orson is, of course, a boy's name. Check any book of Baby Names, they'll verify that. Another piece of evidence is in Bad Ol' Putty Tat (c. 1949).

Sylvester paints his finger up like a female bird and manages to lure Tweety away from his house with it. And, before Tweety realizes his new girlfriend is really a finger, he getsvery chivalrous when he thinks they are both in danger. "Don't worry, little chickadee! I'll save you!" He exclaims. And then there's Rebel Without Claws (c. 1961). This cartoon takes place during the American Civil War. Here Tweety plays a Confederate soldier. If he were a girl, wouldn't he have played a "southern belle"?

I think I can rest my case now.

Don't let any of that tacky, glittery merchandise fool you, Tweety is all man.

That's about all I have to say about Tweety for now. Feel free to elaborate on anything I said or even add your own comments.

Oh, and before I go:

Happy birthday to me

Happy birthday dear myself

Happy birthday to me

A gay pelican

2010-05-19T17:45:00.004-06:00

Recently, I joined a facebook group called "Let's All Draw Gay Pelicans Instead of Mohammed Day". So, that's exactly what I did. I don't know about you, but that pelican looks quite happy to me.

NNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! That is NNNNOOOOTTTT Mohammed inside the pelican's beak. That is in fact a diminutive version of Osama bin Laden that I used in an experimental student film quite a few years ago. Although, that film of mine does have an appearance by Mohammed in it (and he is most likely not portrayed the way most Muslim would envision him). The only place I put it up online is on my facebook profile. Who double dog dares me to post it somewhere else?

A comission for a friend

2010-05-11T08:17:00.008-06:00

Recently, a friend of mine asked me to do a simple drawing for him. He said he needed it for his job. Right now, he's in Korea teaching a room full of Korean students.................. how to be an American I guess.

Well, whatever his curriculum is, one upcoming lesson of his is all about the truth about fast food. I'm sure he plans to go in depth into how it's processed as well as how it's advertised (because you can bet they put much more effort into ad campaigns than they do into the actual food). Anyway, he asked me to draw a cow that is "in no way, shape or form" enhanced with steroids. Here was my first attempt:

A nice enough drawing. But, he found that the face looked too mean, the muscles weren't comically exaggerated enough, and that the udder looks like four penises (although having more than one penis would come in handy sometimes, he felt that this would not be an appropriate image for 14 year olds. They're too young to know why four penises could be beneficial). So, I made a second attempt that he liked much much better. Y'know, I like it better too.

I hope he gives those Koreans a heaping helping of that thar "book-learnin' " so's that they gets the ejumacation they needs.

I'll leave you now with a Canadian point of view of Americans.

Here's me

2010-03-18T19:40:00.000-06:00

Smiling big!!!!

Tonya Suricova

2010-03-03T18:32:00.149-06:00

Ah, there she is. A true vision of loveliness. She could easily charm the judges of every beauty

pageant around. She's classic Bridget Bardot, current Hayden Panettiere, and a young Loretta Swit all rolled into one. In other words, a prefect specimen of humanoid known as femininus

makinme-erectus. And, as a topper.................. she technically doesn't exist.

Y'see, starting last summer, I got suckered in by one of the oldest scams on the internet (not 100% fooled, but enough for it to be embarrassing). It's the one where some Russian girl writes lovely letter after letter to you claiming to be deeply in love with you. Then when you think

you are actually involved the most perfect soul mate you could ever have, she hits you up for money. Here's her email address:

antoninasuricova@yahoo.com Have some fun with that if you like.

Thankfully for me, I caught on to the scam before she asked for money, so when the pitch came I was relatively ready to deal with it. I could have easily saved face and said on here "oh yeah, I knew it all the time". But, no, I feel I should be honest and say that I did indeed fall for it at first.

Here's the first letter I got from her:

Hello!!!

First of all I would like to tell that I am very glad that have

received your letter, probably I answer you with delay but

nevertheless I am glad that I have now possibility to write to you the

letter!

I wish to warn to you about my language. I badly write in this

language, but I can speak freely! It is I native language so do not

laugh at that that I write, simply understand an essence of the

written!

I wish to tell about myself. I was born in 1980, in small settlement

under the name "Lapsary"

Now I work in a city, every morning I rise very much early and meal

for work!

I live with Mum, it not so old, vigorous and cheerful...

I not so sentimental, but nevertheless am the whims as well as any

person!!! To me dialogue with that person which is pleasant wishes to

communicate with me! I love when to me there is an attention when to

me talk, than that are interested, so I hope for that that you will

learn about me, asking me about that as I live than I am engaged!

I think and I hope for that that at us with you to develop interesting

and pleasant dialogue!

It you already know my name Antonina. I did not go into details that

means my name, me it is simple does not interest! As my name is

reduced, it is possible to name me Tonya, this easiest name so you me

can name so!! As regards interest I have more to like sports! I like

to go in for sports, these are morning jogs, gymnastics, fitness!! I

consider that sports, supports body health, and counterbalances a

spiritual condition of the person!!! I when did not smoke, I do not

drink alcohol, only on rare holidays, and it is not enough!

I can tell to you about the parents if you have a desire once, about

my childhood and in general about me as about the person, it will be

possible to you interestingly!

With you I wish to begin dialogue and to reach such level, that we

could meet you! I the Internet I search for the person with which to

me it will be easy to communicate, to which I will approach as second

half, the companion on a life, the husband!!!!

I to you have told it because I want that we have got acquainted with

you and have learnt each other better. I as want that also you to me

have told about yourself as much as possible, you can believe in that

that it will be interesting to me to learn about it!!!!

Now I will finish the letter as I hope for your answer, as soon as

possible, tomorrow I to a smog to answer you, and now I leave!

All kind!

I wait your letter...

Good-bye... Tonya:)

Quite a catch, eh? A sweet simple girl from a remote village who believes in keeping a trim figure. What's not to like? By the way, the big city she claims to be working in is Cheboksary, a city on the west bank of the Volga River. You want to know how hard I fell for this girl? Here's what she accidentally put in one of her letters:

It is a pity to me, that we

not together now and cannot transfer each other a happiness kiss. I love you mine Jeff.

I asked about this Jeff person. Was she being unfaithful already? Here's how she explained herself:

My dear, and I unless did not write to you, that Jeff it is my

invented character whom I represented when still was the young girl. I

am simple in the childhood looked one old film and to me one filmstar

whom called Jeff was remembered. He was very beautiful and I have

started to name since then beautiful men Jeff. My girlfriends know

about it as I told it about it, but it seemed to me, that I and to you

spoke about it. If I did not speak to you about it I am sorry. You

probably have thought, that I have gone mad and I do not know that I

speak.

I fully believed that horse-shit. I even looked for that movie online in the hopes that I could surprise her with one of her "childhood memories". Hell, I'd watch an old Russian movie about a handsome guy named Jeff. Why not?

At this point, I should also mention that this became our song of sorts. Sing along if you know it.

Also, just like in the song, the moon became our symbol. Even though we're so very far apart, we can still look at the moon and think of each other. Anyway, things continued on in that rather friendly style for just a bit, but then quickly turned absolutely lovey-dovey on both our parts:

Hello my loved David.

I am very glad, again to see your letter. Your words warm to me my

soul. I am assured that your words could to melt ice. If you were with

me nearby, I when would not feel a cold.

My favourite, I miss on you. Day has passed quickly so I at all have

not noticed, that round me occurred, as on work it was necessary to

work a little.

If you knew my favourite as I have become bored of you. I all time

only also think of us. I cannot think of what. I am happy as never

earlier. You my loved and gentle. You as a beam of the sun which

shines my way and I go on this way to the treasured purpose.

I will send you the post address: streets Papanina Cheboksary 20/1. I

saw, that at you some teeth has been removed. I will be happy to look

today at the moon and to represent, that now you nearby and we can

reach hands. I hope, that all ours with you dreams become once a

reality.

I wish to tell to you, that my love to you, does not pass and cannot

pass. After I have fallen in love with you it cannot pass! No! It will

not pass! It comes imperceptibly: creeps behind, falls on a head from

the sky, traps behind a corner, pines for years and does not find an

exit … it it is not visible, but it everywhere …

In each smile, each gesture, a sight, a voice … she cannot be touched

and realised, but its presence a lung, as a web, as bright and

infectious laughter of the kid, as rays round eyes, as a mum's voice,

as a summer decline or aroma of July night with hum of night bugs and

a rustle of coastal canes, as hardly touched by pads of water measures

a lake surface, as heavy drops of a summer downpour, as a cool of

night, as a fog, as the Milky Way in the pure southern night sky, as

an autumn leaf fall in windless weather with leaves silently falling

and rustling underfoot, as the snowfall which has found the driver on

night on a way to a city, as an easy touch dtnhf, running on streams

of hair …

The love fills our dreams, the deep thoughts, the latent desires,

madnesses of a youth and slow wisdom of a maturity.

Without love does not begin and any our day does not come to an end,

any act does not remain without its invariable presence, the love

calms and warms minutes of excitement and alarm, helping to find

harmony and to feel sincere comfort …... We cannot without love for

the life loses sense and a direction of the current when the love

leaves us.

… and the most important thing - without love it is impossible to

understand, that such HAPPINESS!

I have understood, that such happiness!

It when you write happiness to me!

When I come to Internet cafe and I read your letters!

When we will speak on the phone with you are a happiness!

Happiness when we with you, at last, will embrace, each other and we

will feel, each other, will feel heat of our bodies. I many times

represented ours with you a meeting! Our meeting will be that

sensation of happiness, euphoria which I never saw, but felt!

How you think?

It will be, as I have described?

I will wait for your answer …

Yours forever Tonya!!!!!!

Whew! It sure got hot in here all of a sudden. I highlighted that address she gave me in that

letter for emphasis. I asked her for it so that I could send her a gift or two maybe. Besides being a nice thing to do, I figured that I'd better confirm that address' legitimacy before I fully believe if she is for real or not. That's why I held off telling anybody about this until now. Regrettably, as a gesture of good faith, in order to get that address form her, I thought I could build a bit of trust by giving her mine. DOH!!!

Don't bother checking out that address. It doesn't exist. I emailed an actual resident of Cheboksary and he assured me that there was no such street in Cheboksary or the little village of Lapsary. But, I really found out just how fake that address was when I actually tried to send a few things to her. She even "warned" me that the mail service was absolutely terrible in Russia and that I shouldn't even try (one of the many red flags I should have recognized right away). I tried at first with the regular mail, but that package just went nowhere.

Then I tried it with UPS where I could get a tracking number.

Apparently, that package went all the way to Nizhny Novgorod and then stopped. That's when suspicion really started to set in.

I started checking out websites that gave tips on finding out if these Russian girls are scammers or not. One thing many of the sites said is that if she insists that you do NOT visit her in her country first, that is all the proof you need that she's a schemer. Sure enough, here's a passage from one of her emails:

I speak about the arrival to you because I cannot accept you here at me.

The tradition which exists many centuries does not allow me to make

it. By tradition the girl in the beginning should visit the man whom

she loves, only then the man with the girl can arrive to the house of

parents of the girl. I cannot break this tradition as if I will break

it for my family it will be a shame. All inhabitants will turn away

from us. I do not want it. My mum will not sustain this shame, and I

worry about her health. I do not want, that she worried in this

occasion.

Does this tradition exist anywhere in Russia, or anywhere in the world for that matter? Well, just like that Jeff story, I was so fooled by the entire ruse that I actually believed this tall tale as well.

Of course this is pretty good proof, but I wanted a smoking gun, lots of smoking guns if possible. The sites suggested that I also track the IP address of every email using this website. In this case, if the IP leads to an internet cafe in Cheboksary, Russia then she's legit. Well, I tracked the IP's of all the emails from then on. Not a one came from someplace

anywhere near Cheboksary. They mostly came from places in the United

States like Fort Myers, Florida or Spokane, Washington, and even

Washington D.C. Every once in a while an IP would pop up from France. But, one location that kept popping up was Yoshkar-Ola, a city in Russia across the Volga River from Cheboksary. (I half suspect the culprit lives there, but I never did find out for sure).

But, of course, the big red flag signal that she was only trying to scam money out of me came in the form of this email:

Hello my love David!

As I am glad, that you have written me the fine words. I am glad to

read your letter. My heart knocks very quickly as worries that we is

fast with you we will meet. All ours with you dreams will come true.

You really prince of my heart, the one who has managed me to tame the

beauty and the sight. My dear I love you, our lives at last in road

fortunately which we will create together with you. You see, my love,

we are not separated any more by any secrets, we should divide all

together. All good and bad. Then do not doubt informing me on all

thoughts. No shyness should exist now between us.

My darling, I have visited travel agency and we searched for the

cheapest ticket to you. It costs 1400 dollars. I have been puzzled and

surprised by this sum. It is not enough my savings to pay ticket cost

as from that sum of money which I took on credit in bank for

registration of my documents, there were only 400 dollars. I did not

think, that it will cost so much in comparison with registration of my

documents. I thought, that registration of the visa and other

documents necessary for me for a trip to you will cost more

expensively than the ticket, but all has turned out differently. I do

not have such sum of money. I can pay only for a ticket part, but it

is more at me there are no means. To me any more from whom to wait

support. I can hope only for your help my darling. I hope, that you

will manage to find means that I could arrive to you. It not too is a

lot of, that then we were for ever together. I am afflicted, that I

have enough means that we could be together. I so long waited for ours

with you of a meeting and now when there was very little I I can not

arrive to you as I do not have not enough means for a start to you my

love. In my head it is so much thoughts bad and good. I become angry

that I till now not with you. I love you and always loved. I think of

you every day. All my dreams about us with you.

I each time re-read your letters. I require your sincere words and

love which you to me have presented. I wish to hear, as you speak to

me "I love you" in a reality. I am grateful to you for your drawing.

It is fine also I is not confused absolutely not by it, as you for me

as the husband to whom I trust the life and the love. My heart in your

hands. I hope for your support and I think, that you can help me. I

will wait from you your letter my darling.

My darling, I love you very strongly. I embrace and I kiss you. I give

you all the tenderness and love.

Yours for ever Tonya.

That was the first big pinch she put on me. Lucky for me I was on to her by this time so I was

now better prepared for it. It was then and there that I devised a rather diabolical plan to hopefully reveal the true identity of this scammer, the location and possibly even the name.

You see, one tip from those scamalert websites that stuck with me was "the only sincere part of their letters is the information they give you to wire them some money". So, I thought if that's their only vulnerable spot, then that's where I'll hit 'em.

Here's the information she gave me:

Country: Russia

Republic: Chuvashiya

City: Cheboksary

The postal index: 428000

Name: Antonina

Surname: Syrovatskaya

On November 10 of 2009, I went down to the nearest Moneygram outlet and filled out one of the forms. I put down all the correct information however I "somehow accidentally" put the wrong amount down. She wanted $1400 but all I put was $14. And wouldn't you know it, I forgot to tell her that in my next email to her. So, when she went down to her Moneygram outlet (that being a bank) on November 12, she had trouble receiving my money. I knew this would cause enough of a stir that surely the bankers would remember her. For added insurance, I posted all of the pictures she sent to me on a Flickr account and put the url to that Flickr page in the message part of the money gram. Then, through Money Gram's website, I found that the only place in Cheboksary that deals with moneygrams is the Sviaz Bank. Their phone number was on that site, so I wrote it down and phoned them asking them about this incident. There was only one person there who could speak English and I had to constantly talk slower just for her to understand me. So, she gave me the address of their bank so that I could send a letter to them. I did send them a letter telling them what I did along with a printed out photo of Miss Tonya. She then informed me that no such person had come into the bank on Nov 12 to try to accept any moneygrams at all. That right there was definite proof that Tonya was not in Cheboksary. So, now the $1,000,000 question is: where did she try to pick up this moneygram? Much like Western Union, Money Grams can be received by someone anywhere within the country it was sent to, as long as the receiver knows the reference number. I was later told that Money Grams can be received anywhere in the world. AAAAAAAAAAND, for some crazy reason, they are not allowed to reveal the location of the pick up. I don't understand that. Who are they trying to protect with that rule?

It seems to me that they almost fully intend to enable scammers with their dirty deeds. I guess if they collect their fee from every transaction made, they don't care what sleazy parties are involved. But, really, more of these scammers would be identified and caught if Moneygram (and any other businesses like them) would reverse this policy.

So, I guess Tonya could be anywhere. But, because of my plan, there is still a chance to find this person. Like I mentioned before, me filling out the form wrong caused a big fuss at that Money Gram outlet on November 12 of 2009. I know because she wrote this to me:

You do not represent how many to me it was necessary to stand in turns

to receive your help and as I had to prove to employees of branches

moneygram when to me said, that at you not correct a remittance. You

know as it is a shame to face to a large quantity of the people and to

prove the on correctness.

I'm sure it was a shame, but I'm also sure it was hilarious. Tee hee!

Therefore, I ask anyone reading this who was working at a Money Gram location anywhere in the world on November 12 of 2009, do you remember anyone trying to receive $1400 but failing to do so? If so, that person was and is a filthy scammer. I'm sure her image can be found on any of the security tapes from that day. If you want her, go get her (unless it's a "he", then go get him).

Although I doubt anyone will try to get him because technically no real crime has been committed. Even if I had not only given Tonya the $1400 she asked for but also any other amounts she'd try to squeeze out of me ("Please, my mom is very sick and needs $3000 worth of medicine" etc.), there are no criminal charges that would stick. It's like if a friend

says to you "Quick, give me $50 before my nipples explode!!!" and right away you fill out a cheque for him. Any lawyer will tell you,"No, you're friend's not a crook, you're just an idiot". Hell, if you can be arrested for taking advantage of an idiot, then George W. Bush could be arrested for taking advantage of America for 8 years. (just a joke, everybody)

I feel at this time that I should extend my gratitude towards the good people at the Sviaz Bank in Cheboksary. I don't who it was that I spoke to on the phone, but I do remember that she was very patient, courteous, and above all helpful. If you have an account in that bank, the next time you're there to do business, tell them I said 'hi'.

"Why am I telling you all of this?" you ask. Why would I reveal such an embarrassing anecdote?Well, in my attempt to woo her, I thought it would be a good idea if I drew some pictures of her. I have posted all of them here. I must warn you though, these drawings range from decent to lousy. There are some that I didn't even want to put up. I merely posted them just to be complete. So, down below is a gallary of every drawing of Tonya Suricova I've ever done. Enjoy yourself as much as possible.

Here's my first attempt at drawing her. I was going for an accurate realistic likeness. I thought I had succeeded at the time. Oh well, I kept going.

I tried it again, but this time I started to play around a bit. Here I depicted her as the goddess of love Venus in a clam shell. Since it was quite early in our relationship at this point I had reservations about drawing her naked at this point. I quickly got over it though as you will soon see.

My pet name for her was 'angel'. So, I drew her to look like an angel. I think the feet came out pretty good on this one. I'll say that much for it.

I attempted to make a one of those cheesecake pin up posters you see in novelty stores with bikini clad girls riding on vicious animals. I like the tiger. Tonya still needed work though.

This one I'm proud of. It was drawn to commemorate our 1 month anniversary. There we are making out in Heaven with a very content moon looking down on us with approval. Aint that precious?

She told me that she loves playing basketball. So I drew her winning a tip off with Michael Jordan. Note the woefully off-model drawing of Bugs Bunny. What a maroon! Or, maybe in reference to Mr. Jordan's team, "what a gulli-Bull"!

It doesn't quite look like her, but here she is dressed like Red Hot Riding Hood! ARROOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Yuck! Everything's wrong with this one. The girl doesn't look like Tonya and the guy on the right looks like an ugly statue of John Travolta. Just yuck!

Once again I choked on my caricature of Tonya. It looks like somebody else. Even worse is that my nephew looks like a Garbage Pail Kid. I deserve 7 lashes for this one.

Tonya's pet name for me was "bear cub". So, I drew her with some bears, namely Yogi and Boo Boo. I wish I was Boo Boo right now.

This one was inevitable. Since she's Russian, I just had to draw me as Boris Badenov and her as Natasha Fatale trying to "keell moose and squirrel". Sorry, Russia. No matter how much of a badass you try to be on the world stage, no matter how many countries you try to invade or whatever, the rest of the world will imagine all of you trying to "keell moose and squirrel" and laugh. You can't stop it. Jay Ward has cursed you forever. Hokey smoke!

In her letters, she told me that she likes doing gymnastics. So here she is on a balance beam (with a very stubby left arm) doing just that.

This one got her. I drew her in a wedding dress and said, "someday that'll be you". She melted. But, really, what woman WOULDN'T melt after seeing a drawing of themselves like this? Well, maybe someone like Elizabeth Taylor or Cher who say, "Been there. Done that. *yawn*"

In one of the letters I mentioned that there's a pool hall near my place. She expressed interest in learning the game when she flies over to see me. So there's what's supposed to be me showing her how the game is played. I think it looks more like my friend Kipp. Maybe that's because I secretly want to be him (and who doesn't?).

For a change of pace, I tried my hand at drawing one of her friends. I think I came pretty close to capturing her likeness, but not close enough.

I returned to the Yogi and Boo Boo idea. Here she is coming out of a pic-a-nic basket. Once again, I envy Boo Boo.

I started t draw myself into the picture as well as her. Here I am as Captain Kirk while she's an alien princess of some sort. Gene Roddenberry would be nauseated...... I mean, proud.

Sometimes she would inject French into her letters. I assumed she was just tri-lingual (Russian, English, and French). I definitely know now that that's not the case. Nonetheless, here I drew us getting romantic in Paris. Pepe le Pew's head's too small (plus a lot of other ghastly mistakes). Le shucks!

Once again, I incorporated her Russian-ness into this drawing. Here we are reenacting a scene from the 007 flick The Spy Who Loved Me. Tonya (well, the girl in all these pictures) is easily the equal of Barbara Bach don't you think? And am I equally as handsome as Roger Moore? (Don't answer that).

Continuing with the bear cub theme, here's Tonya getting a hug from Winnie the Pooh. Yes, Pooh is poking her in the boob with his thumb. Whoops! Oh well, I envy Pooh right now too.

To help her better anticipate her arrival to Canada to see me, I drew this picture of us greeting each other at the air port. Aint we the nice couple?

I was getting bolder with the anatomy here. Yes, you have now seen my naked bum. FINALLY, something worth bragging to your friends about.

Besides "bear cub", another pet name she had for me was "kitten". So, here she is with a kitten. Yay!

In one of the letters I sent her, I posted the lyrics to the song Everyone Says I Love You and dedicated them to her. She asked me if I wrote that song myself. I told her that it came from a Marx Brothers movie. So here she is with Groucho and Harpo. Not too proud of this one. Meh.

I drew her in a classic Bridgette Bardot pose. Sacre` bleu!!!

HELLO!!!! Y'know, that fact that I got to make this drawing and possibly even freak some people out with it makes this whole experience entirely worth it.

Here she is as the super sexy Betty Boop along with the not nearly as sexy Bimbo.

Here I depicted her as Tinkerbell. I messed up my hand a bit, but other than that it's not too bad.

In one letter she expressed a desire for us to share a bubble bath together. Here we are doing just that. MMMMMMM, wet and soapy! That's the way to be.

Here I combined both of our pet names. She's an angel hugging a bear cub. Even though I know it's all fake and we ended our communication already, this picture still makes me tingle all over just a bit.

I really messed up on her face this time. Grrrrrrrrrrrr! Also, the unicorn looks like an angry mutant. Double Grrrrrrrrrrrr!

Here we are resting peacefully in bed together. Aint we cozy?

Now we're taking the places of Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fudd in What's Opera, Doc? Noone killed any "wabbits" in the making of this drawing.

Now I'm applying sun tan lotion to her bare back. You know life is great when you're doing that.

In one her letters, she mentioned that she loves to skate. I have no skating ability whatsoever but nevertheless here we are as figure skating partners. So, needless to say, if we were in that position in real life, things would end very badly.

Here we're re-enacting the "wedding" scene in West Side Story. This melted her heart just as much as the bridal gown picture did. (Or so she said in a letter anyway).

Me Tarzan. Her Jane.

I had caught a cold around this time so I depicted her as a nurse looking after me. I find the whole picture awkwardly off balance somehow.

I had given her my phone number. So, at around this time she actually gave me a call. She did have a sweet voice (although there's at least a 99% chance it was NOT the girl in these photos). But, whichever, I commemorated this occasion with this drawing. I think it turned out well.

Here we are taking a nice brisk walk together as a couple.

I depicted us here as the American Tail mice. I'm Fievel of course. There we are looking up at the moon and thinking of each other. Aw, how sad.

Here I drew her to resemble Buffy the Vampire Slayer. She liked this picture but I find it clumsy and awful in several places. I only put it up here to be complete.

Our heads are too big in this one. So what?

Here we are a cute widdle kittens snuggling with each other. Awwww, aint dat squishy??!!

Another visit to Jellystone Park. I don't think the ranger likes this.

She was definitely well aware that I was a practising artist. So, I drew her here as a nude model and there I am rendering her. To make her feel at ease, I'm naked too (although I don't think it works with other females. Hmmmmm)

Here she is carrying me over the threshhold. Hooray!

I've got to explain this one. When the Money Gram "didn't work out", I suggested a wire transfer through a bank. I found out that in order for it to work, I'd need her bank's address, her street address, as well as an IBAM number (whatever that is). I figured I had her this time. But, she came back with a lie about how she doesn't have a bank account (despite telling me in a previous letter that she had 400 rubles IN THE BANK). But, later on, she gave me the information to her girlfriend's bank account so that I could do the transaction there. She even gave me a fast approaching deadline to meet. If I didn't make it, airline fares would go up in price. But, a banker suggested that instead I just buy the plane tickets for her rather than send her money, but then return them and get my money back when she gets mad. But, a travel agent told me that I wouldn't be able to return flight tickets in this circumstance. By this time, I had missed the deadline Tonya gave me and she was upset. So, that's her crying about not being able to board the plane at that time.

This is how I imagined us meeting at Christmas. She'd send herself to me in a package. Then I'd open it up on Christmas morning and be the happiest man alive. If only real life were like that.

This one is a part of the whole 'angel' motif. Charlie's Angels. Get it? Nevermind.

She phoned again so I drew this one up to celebrate. Unfortunately, that conversation we had left her unsatisfied. Well, she did call when I was having supper AND watching a movie thus interrupting two things at the same time. There's no way she could have known but, yeah that's a bad time to call anyone.

Okay. She was really applying some pressure to send some money. Christmas was approaching fast and she wanted to be with me before then. So, now it was my turn to do some lying. I told her that some scumbag had hacked into my bank account and stole everything and that it would take me quite a bit of time to build up my account again. Therefore, any travel plans would have to wait. That bought me quite a bit of time. But sadly, not enough. Anyway, I drew that picture above out of fake anger.

Here she is on Santa's knee. I screwed up the face again.

Now she's a Christmas tree angel.

What red blooded male wouldn't want THIS in their stocking?

Since we were both feeling depressed about not having enough money, I drew up a solution. She should try to win a lottery. How much does 1,000,000,000 rubles calculate into Canadian dollars?

Or, if playing the lottery fails, Mighty Mouse will save the day. He'll get Tonya out of the clutches of a poorly drawn Oil Can Harry.

Here we are relaxing in bed together again. What a peaceful sight.

I think at this point she asked me for my mother's phone number. This is how I imagined her talking to my mom. More girls should answer the phone this way (although some girls DEFINITELY should NOT).

Now we're making out on a moonlit beach. Life is wonderful.

Here we are building a snowman together. The fun never stops with us.

I'm giving the lovely and beautiful Tonya a foot massage because she's had a busy day. We're both in our gitch because.............. why not?

For Christmas I got a big Monty Python box set. So, here's Tonya as the Minister of Silly Walks......................................... lemon curry?

I was feeling creatively bankrupt on that day, so I just hammered out a portrait. She appreciated that all the same.

This would have been a great way for us to enter 2010. I think I just watched some episode marathon on TV or something.

Have you seen the cartoon Katnip Kollege? Well, I drew us as the 2 lead cats in that cartoon.

This was another attempt to melt her heart. Here she is with our first baby together. I was so unhappy with the way I drew myself her that I simply just cropped myself out. Oh well, that's a cute baby anyway.

She flies to me like an angel as I sleep. It's all done with magic.

If she was for real, this whole thing would be a Cinderella story for her. Except she had no bitchy stepsisters and I aint no prince. Also, if she drove up to my place in a pumpkin coach, she'd have seeds stuck to her butt which is never attractive.

Now she's the good fairy who made Pinocchio a real boy, similar to how she almost made me a 'real man'. (That was pure cheese)

I drew this to "illustrate" how she is in my thoughts while I'm at work. There's a lot of dead space in this picture because it wasn't composed too carefully. Oh well, at least the main point is well understood which is the most important thing.

Once again I drew her as an angel. This time she is carrying me off to paradise. Oh, hey look!! Mr. Johnson has made an appearance (and I don't mean LBJ).

Now we're both naked fairies. Why can't that be the reality? That would be so much better than actual reality (but then again, most things are).

She looks like a cross-eyed Angelina Jolie of a princess here, but she is a princess nonetheless.

Yes, I would fight a giant hulking ogre for her. But I won't send her $1400. That sounds about right.

Here she is giving her love to a bear cub which of course represents me. Lucky bear.

I was in a Speedy Gonzales mood at this time. So, I drew her as one of Speedy's many many conquests. I wonder who's "seester" she is? By the way, her response to this drawing was "I'm afraid of mice".

I don't know why it took me so long to draw this one. Here she is as Jessica Rabbit. I think Roger came out pretty well. I forgot the whiskers though.

If you manage to ignore the hideous way I drew Tonya's feet, you'll see what a romantic home alone with us would be like. We'd make out endlessly as some silly show blares on the TV.

It was the dead of winter and I was having trouble with the heat in my apartment. So, I imagined what we'd be doing to keep each other warm. You have to admit, that does look cozy.

Now she's I Dream of Jeanie. Don't ask me why I'm naked in this picture because I don't remember.

I thought it would be fun to put her image on the cover of one of those "porn for women" type of novels they sell in grocery stores. Don't they make a schmaltzy couple? No, the guy is not me (sadly).

This is Tonya as a little Russian baby. In case you can't tell, her rattle is supposed to look like one of those Russian cathedral roof top type of things that I swear are designed to make me think there's chocolate inside of them.

She was starting to get rather anxious waiting for me to finally have enough money to send to her (tee hee). So, I drew myself being downloaded through my modem, propelled through cyberspace, and ending up crawling out of Tonya's computer in that internet cafe. Something like this would make life so much easier.

This is another attractive alternative to buying plane tickets. If she was a witch, she could fly over on her broom. But then again, aren't they all witches inside?

*knock knock*

Wait a minute, someone's at my door.

*clomp clomp clomp*

*creeeeak*

Hey, an angry feminist group. What are you doing here?

*PUNSCH!!!!*

OW!!

*clomp clomp clomp*

Geez, was that necessary?

AAAAAAWWWWW! A romantic bike ride. Cue the Burt Bacharach music.

She informed me that she attempted to phone me again. I must have been out somewhere or something. Oh well, I once again depicted her on the phone with me.

Once again we're in bed together. Here she is listening to the beating of my heart. What a nice image.

I thought putting her in a kissing booth was a fun and harmless idea. But, she absolutely hated this one. She was actually deeply offended by this image. I tried to make it up to her next time.

She objected to selling her affection for money. So, I thought drawing us expressing free love would appease her. She was offended by this one too. She never said why though. Meh, sometimes you just can't win.

Now I drew her as Princess Anastasia stepping on Rasputin's head. She asked why I drew her as a princess when she's an ordinary girl. I informed her that because these are just drawings that I can do whatever I want.

To "illustrate" the point I made, I drew her in space with George Jetson. She's never been in outer space (not that I know of) but there she is in black & white flying in a spaceship. I made my point quite succinctly I believe.

Now I'm serenading her. In real life, that is NOT a good idea.

At this point, she was starting to get very suspicious that I had no intention of sending money and was simply leading her on. So, I thought I'd distract her with the little romantic diversion you see above. She did like the drawing, but she was still suspicious.

Her response to this picture was "you have a very rough imagination". Thank you. Yes I do.

This is where my drawings for her stop because I finally let the cat out of the bag as the expression goes. The reason I let this go on for as long as I did is because I had one more thing to try that I hoped would finally reveal Tonya's true identity. I ordered a program called Email Tracker Pro. It promised to not only reveal the email sender's location but also show how this individual was covering his/her tracks. I ordered it from a place called Visualware Inc. located in Guildford, England. I ordered it as a download, but it didn't work. So, he very graciously sent me a copy through the mail. The program still didn't work because we

both realized too late that it was only formatted for PCs and I have a Mac. Upon this realization, Visualware gave me a full refund. I must say, that was mighty nice of them, or as they say in their country, that was cricket, eh what govna!!! I recommend that people go to them for any software needs they have. They're good people.

Although, the software wasn't entirely useless to me. I took it to work and used it there because they use PC computers. One of her emails that I traced said she was in San Francisco. However, another email I traced lead to Houston, Texas. But, in both cases, thefinal location simply said "private". So, whatever this scammer (or scammers) was using to hide their identity, it was working very very well. So, that's when figured that was as much as I could do at that point and just ended things between me and Tonya. Here's the last email I sent to her:

If you haven't tried that phone number I gave you yet, don't bother. It's the number for Luigi's Pasta House. I worked there for 6 days back in the 1990's. It was one of the worst jobs I ever had. I figured they deserved some confusion. If you want to order a plate of spaghetti and try to have it delivered to you, go ahead and call that number, but you definitely won't find my mother there.

Yes, I've known that you've been a scammer for quite a while. All the evidence I've gathered points to it. Someone who's an expert at spotting scams told me that "if the girl you are talking to won't let you visit her in her country, that's all the proof you need". I never did trust that "family tradition" of yours. My mother has travelled to the Ukraine and she never heard of that tradition anywhere. Speaking of my mother, that's why I didn't give you her phone number. I didn't want her getting mixed up in all of this. I did tell her about us in the hopes that she could locate someone with phone tracing equipment and then we could find you that way. But, she didn't know anybody. She just told me that I should walk away from you. But, when I told her that you wanted her phone number, she said to me "sure, give her my number so that I can tell her right off". So, if I did give you my mother's number, you wouldn't have liked it anyway.

Why would I need to track you? Well, the address you gave me doesn't exist. There is no Papanina street in Cheboksary or Lapsary. You keep saying that you contact me from an internet cafe in Cheboksary. Well, I've been checking the IP addresses of every email you send me (well, every email since I became suspicious). And, y'know what? The location indicated is nowhere near Cheboksary. It's usually some remote city in the United States. Although, every once in a while, the location indicates that it's from Yoshkar-Ola. (I'm suspecting that's where you are). Either you do lots of travelling just to send emails, or you're covering your tracks somehow. The reason I even communicated with you this long is because I had ordered a software program that promised to track any email at any source no matter what is being used to conceal the email's true location. I used that program and found that your last email to me came from San Francisco. However, I also analysed another email you sent before that one and it came from Houston Texas. But, in both those findings, the starting point of each of those emails said "private". Whatever you're using to conceal your identity, it works very very good.

The pictures you sent me are stolen of course. I know they can't be pictures of you because whenever I requested more, you always declined to do so. Obviously, you had a finite supply of pictures from a girl you don't even know.

Okay, since I've caught on to a few of your lies, I'll let you in on a few of mine. 1. Nobody hacked into my bank account. That was just an excuse not to send you money. It certainly bought me a lot of time with you, you have to agree. 2. My mom didn't have a car accident before Christmas. Again, that was just another reason not to send money to you.

If you're thinking that all the lovey-dovey talk about your beauty, intelligence and whatever else was a lie, no it was not. I meant every compliment I gave. However, I was addressing one Tonya Suricova, that character you created that was supposedly deep in love with me and NOT whoever the hell you are.

You said in your last letter that you were considering ending our "relations"? I suggest we do that. I know you're a phoney, you know I'm a phoney, I see no need to proceed any longer. Despite what you might be thinking, I'm not bitter or angry about this experience. I consider it just like any real relationship that doesn't work out. It was fun while it lasted, but in the end neither of us got what we wanted. You didn't get your money and I didn't get my smokin' hot Russian girlfriend.

Maybe that's for the best. You know all that talk about me feeling lonely? That stuff is also true. However, I don't feel lonely enough to actually be with people, if that makes any sense.

Before I end this letter, I must say that you do indeed write very well. I know most of the text was ghost written by some Russian Mafia goon or something, but you did a pretty good job of weaving in other words to make them seem like genuine letters. You do have a nice flair for writing. I suggest you forget about this Russian bride scam racket and write your own novel. I think you will do well in that business. Either write a novel or a movie screenplay. Hey, with my drawing skills and your writing skills maybe we could collaborate on creating a graphic novel someday. They're quite popular these days. Who knows what the future may bring.

Whatever happens, I wish the best of luck to you in your future endeavours. I hope we can meet under better circumstances someday. But, for now I'll just say farewell and thank you. You made an old man feel very happy and even attractive for a brief but wonderful period of time.

Goodbye, Farewell, and Amen

David

I thought it would be nice to end on a friendly note rather than a mean-spirited one. This way, the bastard doesn't know how to react. I did not get a response to this email at all.

Below are two illustrations that I didn't show to Tonya. The one immediately below I feel is an accurate representation of the entire ordeal. There's that sleazy sinister-looking creep using this girl's image like a puppet and then there's me, just a dunce with a boner. Of course, "dunce with a boner" is a pretty apt description of every single male that is, has been, and will be on the planet. Am I right ladies?

Since this bolshoi babe failed to trick me into actually sending her money (but instead received a stream of annoying drawing as well as (I'm assuming) a splitting headache) the next picture down is dear sweet Tonya with egg on her face. Point and laugh everyone.

Okay, now that the truth has been revealed, let's go over the list of those who are most likely feeling the biggest amount of shame right now.

1. Me, obviously, for actually falling for such a transparent ruse.

2. Those who know me, for being associated with someone who would fall for such a transparent ruse.

3. The scammer, for wasting 7 months of internet time buttering me up with cheap insincere flattery and getting nothing for his/her efforts.

4. The girl in these photos. What do you think she'll do if she came to this blog and saw her image pasted all over this post as well as seeing her likeness in those drawings I did inwhich she is in all sorts of weird scenarios as well as many states of undress? She'd probably die.

5. All the Russian leaders since the Soviet Union fell, those being Boris Yeltsin, Viktor Chernomyrdin, Vladimir Putin, and Dmitry Medvedev. For you see, it is because the Russian economy is in such a shambles that too many of it's population see the need to use sleazy methods of acquiring money from more stable countries. This fact definitely reflects upon the leadership skills of those men. If the Russian people want to pull themselves out of this rut, it is currently up to Medvedev to find a way to do it. Come on, Dmitry, show us what you're made of.

6. Society in general. A basic continuation of #5. If too many people anywhere on the planet are stooping to these levels in a desperate attempt to make "easy money", then our civilization needs an overhaul immediately.

It just goes to show you, when you try to scam somebody on the internet or anywhere else, everyone loses. Remember that.

One neat thing I did learn from this experience is BAITING ONLINE SCAMMERS IS

FUN!!! When it first dawned on me that the person emailing me was a fake and not someone in love with me, it didn't feel good. My arms went numb and I felt like throwing up. But, that only lasted an hour or two. Then I started answering her emails with a new attitude. It felt great when I could tell that she didn't know that I knew. From that point on, it put me right in the driver's seat. We were like two sparring partners, dancing around the ring, trying to fake each other out with our technique. That is a rush I have never felt before. I can see why some people do this as a hobby. Best of all, it provides a service. It's a bit like being a beachcomber. You scoop up and haul away the debris to make it safer for everyone.

Of course, if I wanted to do this scammer baiting again, I'd want some more sophisticated equipment first, at least a copy of Email Tracker Pro for Macs. That way I can know exactly who and/or what I'm dealing with so that I can better plan how I can have fun with this person. I'd love to be able to deal with scammers like the guy in the video below. In lieu of any special equipment, he does it with STYLE:

Bilko-The Con Men part 1
Uploaded by Daffyduckandthedinosaur. - Classic TV and last night's shows, online.

Bilko-The Con Men part 2
Uploaded by Daffyduckandthedinosaur. - Check out other Film & TV videos.

Before I end this post, I'd just like to ask one thing. Does anyone know who the girl in these

pictures is? She looks like a fun and vibrant person. I'm just

asking out of curiosity sake. I'm not in any serious pursuit of her at all. Hell, she could be involved, married, or even dead for all I know. It would just be nice to have absolute closure on this chapter, that's all. And, who knows how she'd feel about me anyway. Let's just say that if men are from Mars and women are from Venus, I'm from Alpha Centaury.

One thing's for sure, I won't forget this experience anytime soon. And, there will always be a part of me that still loves her.

Farewell, Tonya, wherever you are.

Guess who's 102 today......

2010-02-26T05:13:00.004-06:00

If you guessed Tex Avery................. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY 100% CORRECT!!!!!

(If you guessed somebody else, just.............. go away)

Yep, the king of cartoons himself would be 102 years old if he were alive today (and was given a new liver). He'd probably be celebrating today with a small quiet party with any of his surviving colleagues from the animation industry as well as any surviving family members such as his daughter Nancy and any of his fans lucky enough to have associated with him. Many of those fans will have flown all the way over from France even. Such a party would be nice and I'm sure Tex himself would enjoy such a thing. But, being an innovative genius that has helped shape the animation and even the entertainment industry, I think he deserves much more than that.

Something I think is long overdue is a biographical movie made about Tex. Not only would we see how his own style of cartooning developed, we'd see how his own tragic homelife was such a sharp contrast to the comedy he put in his cartoons. He's a quintessential Pagliacci figure. A movie like this could easily be done and could easily do well (if Hollywood executives don't sabotage it somehow.................. on that note, maybe a more independent studio would be a better place to get this made. )

Below is what a movie poster may look like for such a flick. Please forgive me. I wanted to draw a poster but it wasn't really working out and this day of his birth was approaching way too fast, so I hastily slapped together some screen grabs. Anyway, there it is. Maybe I'll draw one later. I'll be unemployed soon which will give me plenty of time.

But, y'know, why should I be the only one to do this? I put it to anyone reading this who is also a fan of Tex Avery's work. Make your own poster for a Tex Avery bio pic. I think it would be more appropriate if it was an illustration, but if you do lack confidence in your drawing skills, a few photoshopped images would suffice. Post it on a blog or anywhere else you have access to post images. Who knows, if enough of these posters are made, maybe that will give some people the idea that a Tex Avery movie is a good idea. We'll never know unless we try.

Oh, for those who consider Tex to be some kind of a white supremacist bastard, I found one of his cartoons that definitely violates that. It actually pokes fun at white people and has some race mixing at the end. It's actually a klansmen's nightmare. Watch and enjoy:

Johnny_Smith_and_Poker_Huntas
Uploaded by Daffyduckandthedinosaur. - Full seasons and entire episodes online.

2 Goofy Guys

2010-01-25T21:09:00.001-06:00

Here's a crazy little doodle I did recently:

Hopefully I'll show everyone the rest of this picture, as well as several more. We'll see.