Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Brooding Idiot with a Big Gun

The title refers to the show's main character, Brodi. He is a self-employed bounty hunter with a traumatic yet silly past.
It all started one day when he was a baby. His father was at work and his mother was staying home looking after him. She walked behind a wall for just a few minutes. However, him being a baby, he thought mom had simply disappeared. He felt quite alone. Then their little yappy dog let out a bark which spooked him right out of the house. Right then and there he felt he was on his own. Lying on the front porch was a hunting rifle his dad had carelessly left there loaded. Little Brodi picked it up and crawled out into the world. From that point on he used the gun to aquire food, shelter, transportation, and more guns. In fact, he possessed so many guns that the NRA made him their honorary poster child. Actually, it was the NRA where he learned to talk and handle guns professionally.
Whenever someone asked him about his upbringing, his response was "my parents are dead". That's what he assumed happened when his mom went into the other room.
Unbeknownst to him, his parents were still alive and well. When he disappeared, they didn't look for him because they didn't want anyone in the neighborhood to think they were bad parents. So, they just pretended he never existed and started over by having other children.
In the present day, he persues four major criminals:

Hare Downthere - His sick mind enjoys helping dangerous criminals break out of prison so that he can let them loose into the community and "watch the fun".

Innercity Quackhead - He may look like an innocent duckling, but he is really the biggest drug kingpin in the world.

Afro Deezy Jack - Top assassin. He also has legions of followers he has trained to be almost as much of a highly skilled assassin as he is. He likes to use Rube Goldberg traps for his assassinations so that none of them can be traced back to him. However, he can easily be spotted by his funkadelic '70's style.

Cat Ass-Trophy - Diabolical menace. He'll stop at nothing to either conquer the world or make people suffer. Ideally he'd like to do both.

These four criminals use mostly their wits to either cause trouble or outsmart Brodi. But, Brodi, on the other hand, tries to solve every problem by using one of his guns. He does so because that's all he knows about and he is, of course, an idiot. In the pursuit of these criminals, he does more harm than good by shooting up every location.
I'd venture to say that this is a show with no heroes really. Every main character is a villain of some sort. That's what sets this show apart from everything else.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Tex Avery's birthday

This is a little picture I drew in order to wish the king of cartoons, Mr. Tex Avery, a wonderful happy birthday. Even though he left this earth more than 25 years ago, his birth and his life were significant enough to warrent that he be remembered well beyond his years.

Tex, wherever you are, thanks for giving us everything.

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Fetal Squad

(A TV show I'd like to create)

Logline: Fetuses that fight crime.

However, in order to explain exactly how the fetuses accomplish that, I'll have to go through the first episode and show how they got started.
It'll start off with a teenage couple in the backseat of a car. The boy pressures the girl into sex and she eventually concedes. But, it then shows what the boyfriend was doing the previous night. He was drunk with his friends and decided to cook his dick in a microwave oven just for fun. From there it cuts to a sperm cell with electrodes around it travelling through the uterus. When the sperm touches the egg cell, not one but four fetuses are produced which make up the Fetal Squad:

Throphoblast - He's the gung-ho leader of the group. He's got a militaristic attitude and will not rest until the job is done. Then he won't rest until they find some other cause to fight for.

Amnion - He's the genius of the group with an IQ of 1000 or higher. Besides that, he also manages to keep a level head in any situation. With these two qualities, Amnion is able to find a solution to any problem and ease Tropohblast's mind no matter how impossible things may seem.

Androgen - He is a high level martial artist. Whenever some serious butt-kicking is needed, he's called in for the task. (How he accomplishes this from inside the womb will be explained later).

Zyggy - He's not as developed as the others. They're all fetuses while he's just an embryo. His heart's in the right place when he tries to help out. But, things don't always go well for him.

They all exist inside a pregnant teenager named Olivia. She will never find out about the fighting force inside her, mostly because she's an absolute oblivious moron.

In the first episode, Olivia will have a run-in with the cheerleading squad at school. After some words are exchanged, the head cheerleader knocks her to the ground. Of course, the fetuses want to investigate.
Amnion the genius comes up with a plan. The first step is to find a major nerve in her nervous system which they find right away. They use that to send a signal to her brain which gives her an appetite for electronic equipment. She eats computers, calculators, video game systems, radios, ........basically anything with wires and/or electronic chips in it. Once all this enters the uterus, the fetuses construct the ultimate console. It has radar, sonar, internet, satellite TV, police radio ........pretty much everything they need. Since most uteruses have no electric outlets to plug anything into, they rely on "hemo-power". Amnion fashions several mini-turbines and carefully inserts them into majorveins which are then connected to the machine. So, as long as blood flows through her body, the machine has power.
Besides the nerve Amnion found, he also found the nerves that control her arms and legs. If Olivia is ever in mortal danger Androgen just straps himself into those nerves and makes her perform the best martial arts anyone has ever seen.
Oh yes. Another machine Amnion builds is one that produces a polar opposite magnet field so that metal objects such as knives or bullets repel from her.
With all this, she is virtually an unstoppable one-person fighting force (controlled by a four-person fetal crew inside her of course). Needless to say, she gets revenge on that cheerleading squad. The first episode ends with the Fetal Squad's mission statement. When they first test out the satellite TV on their console, it picks up a "CNN-like" all news channel. They immediately see a montage of all the wars, dictatorships, robberies, murders, and any other disasters on earth. The leader, Throphoblast, announces, "We are not leaving here until we get rid of all of THAT out there."
With a huge task of 'world peace', there should be plenty of material for several episodes.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

It's been 4 years now

On this date, February 22, 2002, Chuck Jones passed away. It's been exactly 4 years since that happened. Yes, I do know that he was mortal and that all mortals eventually die. But, he was one of those individuals who shouldn't have died, y'know?! He should have been allowed to drink the elixer used in that movie Death Becomes Her so that we would have the benefit of his artistic abilities forever. And that goes for everyone who was involved in making the golden era of animation as golden as it was. Names like Mel Blanc and Tex Avery come to mind.

Anyway, Chuck, we still miss you down here. Anyone reading this who feels the same way can leave a comment stating the same thing. Or, if you happen to be one of those unfortunate people who don't even know who Chuck Jones is, I'm sure that after reading some of the comments you'll find that out pretty fast.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Here's my response to that Family Guy episode.

Link to my student film

Hansel und Gretel

That's my student film on the ZeD website. I made that (OMG) almost 3 years ago. Since then it's been shown at film festivals in New York, Stuttgart, Yorkton, and Montreal. Enjoy.
And here's their first "adventure".

You don't have to read this. It's just a transcript of the dialogue from the comic so that people can find it easier on Google.

Citizen Kane: Rosebud!

Victorian Monkey: That woman's.... er.... ugh.... birthing hole just talked. OBSCENITY!

Priest Monkey: Proverbs 31:3

Patron: Sit Down!!

Mr. Thathcher: It is in my opinion that Mr. Charles Foster Kane is nothing more than a communist.

American Monkey: COMMUNIST!!!

American Monkey: Why! That's Un-American! And I caint stand ANYTHAING that's Un-American!

Priest Monkey: Psalms 38:20

American Monkey: DIE!! COMMIE BASTARD!!

Mr. Thatcher: Charles! Don't hit me with the sled.

Horrible Mother Monkey: OOH! I must protect my children from this kind of atrocious behavior. It could give my little angels bad ideas.

Priest Monkey: Romans 13:2


Horrible Mother Monkey: Hey, is there any educational value to this movie? Because I aint learnin' a darn thing.

Priest Monkey: Isaiah 32:7

singer: You know his name! You know his name!

Victorian Monkey: OH! Disregard that hideous T & A.

Priest Monkey: Hosea 2:10

Jed: I do the dramatic crimitism... um... crisi... umm... I am drunk.

:Victorian Monkey: Engaging in the drink. How vile!

Priest Monkey: Proverbs 23:31

Horrible Mother Monkey: Who will shield my babies?

Psychologist Monkey: Yes, according to my extensive research (with no hidden agendas at all), this will cause alcoholism in the age range of 13 to 57 to rise 9.56721%.

Jazz singer: It can't be love.

Black Panther Monkey: THAT'S RACIST!!

Patron: What? How?

Black Panther Monkey: Hey! If an ethnic character isn't acting white, that's RACISM!!

Priest Monkey: Acts 10:35

Horrible Mother Monkey: Oh! More atrocious behavior.


Nazi Monkey: You vill be silenced!

American Monkey: C'mawn y'all! There are other athiest, racist, and down-right Un-American movies in this here the-aitre. LET'S GO!

Nazi Monkey: Sig Heil!

I probably should introduce the Censor Monkey's to everyone. I'll read them off in no particular order.

Victorian Monkey: She wants to revert everything back to the stuffy and represive Victorian era.

American Monkey: He looks for any anit-American sentiment lying within the context.

Priest Monkey: He looks for anything sacreligious and can back up any other monkey's complaints with a bible verse or two.

Horrible Mother Monkey: She spends much more time looking for objectionable content than she does raising her own children.

Psychologist Monkey: He looks for anything that could be psychologically damaging.

Black Panther Monkey: He looks for any racist content.

Nazi Monkey: He helps the other monkeys use nazi tactics to enforce their wishes onto any and all works of art.

Saturday, February 18, 2006