Remember when Pastor Harold Camping predicted that the world would end on May 21? Also remember when nothing even resembling a rapture happened and then he went into hiding? Well, now that same man has come forward and told us that his calculations were a bit off (I guess he forgot to excommunicate the integer or something). Now, he's saying that the rapture will happen on October 21 which is THIS COMING FRIDAY!!!
But, there is good news. You can easily come out looking good through this whole ordeal by purchasing a book about Jesus, just like the angel in the picture below.
You can order a copy of this book here. Or if you prefer, you can order the Kindle version here. As you can see, if you order it right now you can have it in your possession just in time for the rapture on Friday. (No, seriously, this is the book to have on judgement day. If God came down to bring worthy souls back to Heaven with Him and just saw you reading the Bible, he'd say, "Dude, that's just obvious." Trust me, this is the book that will get you raptured indefinitely.)
Alright, ok, that R.E.M. song at the top is a pretty good song to play while the world is ending. But, I think the song immediately below this last paragraph is a more fitting rapture song for most of the people on this planet. I'm pretty sure that's how the rapture's going to be for me. Maybe we should all sing a few choruses of this song to the good Pastor as this Armageddon is unfolding.
Happy pitchfork dodging everyone.
[Well, it looks like another rapture prediction has come and gone and once again it's simply been business as usual. But, hey, you know the saying, "3rd times the charm". Maybe Pastor Camping's next prediction will be right. (I hope his next rapture prediction is for my birthday.
That would be a cool way to celebrate.)
Anyway, whenever the rapture comes, even if it doesn't, it's still a good idea to have a copy of my book in your possession. It might earn you Cherubim Points in the afterlife, you never know. But mostly, just buy it because it's a "damn" good book.]