A husband and wife team

Here's 2 people that also enjoy my book:

The husband:


The wife:


They took time away from their whirlwind honeymoon in Bangkok on Christmas to do this. Was it worth it? You tell me.

Two lovely videos...

...from two lovely ladies. Both of them talk about my book.

Listen to TJ

A video ad for my book

Buy Jesus Needs Help on Createspace, Amazon, or Kindle today!

Blasphe-ME, Blaphe-YOU, Blasphe-EVERYBODY!!!

You remember a certain Pastor Sean Bonitto who opined about my book recently? Well, so that he could have a more informed opinion, I sent him a free copy of my book Jesus Needs Help. He read it all the way through and now his approach to the book reads thusly:

"For the preaching of the cross is to them that perish foolishness; but unto us which are saved it is the power of God" (1 Corinthians 1:18).

Hello David. Greetings in the mighty name of the Lord Jesus Christ of the Holy Bible (Acts 4:12).

Thank you for the opportunity to read and properly evaluate, critique and judge your book not according to my opinion, but according to the clear teaching of Holy Scripture(Matthew 4:4).

First of all your book gives false information and lies concerning the teaching and evidence of the Holy Bible when it says, "That book is a collection of essays written by various zealots who interpreted my words several hundred years after my existence. Some of them even manipulated my words or even added their own words just to support their own agendas." You either have not done your research concerning this matter or you do not care to investigate the truth to verify your claim in order to promote your false claim, and to justify the lust of your flesh, that will tragically, if you do not repent and trust the Lord Jesus Christ of the Holy Bible by faith alone for your salvation, lead you to an eternity in hell(Luke 13:3; John 3:16-21,36). It is a fact that the whole New Testatment was written in the first century, and that many early Bible translations of the second century, manuscripts, along with the writtings of second century early church authorities like Justin Martyr, and even first century authorities such as Ignatius and others that testify to the authenticity of the sacred text of the Holy Bible(http://www.truthnet.org). Josephus, Tacitus, Pliny the younger and other non christian historians have documented and verified many historical facts of the New Testament, along with archeological findings such as The Pilate Stone. Your have promoted lies against the truth of Holy Bible, and it is you my friend that has manipulated and perverted the Word of God by making the Lord Jesus reject the clear teaching of God's Word, which He most certainly did not and would never do (Matthew 4:4), in order to justify your sin.

This is blasphemy of the worst kind, and a most dishonest attack against the truth of God's Word the Holy Bible without any evidence or justification of the false statement made.

The book is full of clear Satanic blasphemy against the Lord Jesus Christ, that reduces the sinless Lamb of God(2 Corinthians 5:21), who is God in the flesh (John 1:1,14), to one how rejects His own words (Matthew 4:4), agrees with sin, lies, and complete perversion that would make wicked and ungodly programs such as south park, family guy, and the Simpsons, blush with shame.

God the Father is promoted by Mr. Germain to embrace such wicked sin, and perversion such as pornography, violence, and every ungoldy, evil, and wicked ideology by saying, "There is no censorship in heaven." There is pictures of nudity in Mr. Germain's Heaven, and even God Himself curses at the censorship Monkey's who are banished to a cage where they are ironically "censored" and no longer able to have freedom of expression of there own, which is a clear contradiction of Mr. Germain's rant. Mr. Germain clearly is fulfilling the Bible prophecy that says, "Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils; Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron" (1Timothy 4:1-2).

It is clear from the teaching of Holy Scripture "...that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God"(1 Corinthians 6:9-10). However, if one repents of their sin, and trust the Lord Jesus Christ as their personal Lord and Saviour by faith alone they will be forgiven of their sin, escape the damnation of an eternity in hell, and be given everlastino life in heaven (Luke 13:3; John 3:16; Acts 20:21; Romans 10:9-10; 1 John 1:9; 1 John 2:1-2).

Mr.Germain expresses no fear of God or any sense of conviction of his sin by the Holy Ghost, although he has at one time been convicted of his sin and has been proved by the Holy Ghost of his need to escape an eternity in hell (John 16:8-11), to repent of his sin, and to receive God's love, mercy, forgiveness, and salvation through the true Lord Jesus Christ of the Bible(not the false jesus promoted by Mr. Germain and others*2 Corinthians 11:4,14), before it is too late (Hebrews 9:27).

The god that Mr. Germain promotes is not the God of the Holy Bible, nor the Lord Jesus Christ of the Bible who is God in the flesh or second person of the one and only true God(Matthew 28:19; 1 John 5:7), because the Bible says, "This then is the message which we have heard of him, and declare unto you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all" (1 John 1:5), but he promotes a false christ and false god (2 Corinthians 11:4), that is really the god of this ungodly world (2 Corinthians 4:4), who the Bible identifies as Satan, who "...is transformed into an angel of light"(2 Corinthians 11:14), that old lying serpent who beguiled Eve into rejecting God's Word for the lie of fulfilling the lust of the flesh, and to receive the wages of sin which "...is death..." (Romans 6:23) and eternal damnation of precious souls in hell forever (1Peter 5:8), unless they repent and trust the Lord Jesus by faith alone for salvation (Luke 13:3; John 3:16).

The Lord Jesus Christ will never need help, but Mr. Germain does, as well as all mankind who are sinners (Romans 3:23), that need to repent of their sin and receive the only remedy for sin, the only way to heaven, and and escape from an eternity in hell, the Lord Jesus Christ of the Holy Bible (Luke 13:3; John 3:16; John 14:6).

Mr. Germain I am praying for you and others that you will repent and be saved in the Lord Jesus Christ to escape hell before it is too late(Hebrews 9:27).

God Bless (John 3:16).

"...except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish" (Luke 13:3).

"For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord" (Romans 6:23).

Wow! Ok. I probably should just let this go, but he said some things in that text that I really must respond to. There'll be no snarky sarcasm like there were in the last post. This will be a straightforward response to the more accusatory aspects of his rant.

I guess I'll get things started by addressing this statement right here:

First of all your book gives false information and lies concerning the teaching and evidence of the Holy Bible when it says, "That book is a collection of essays written by various zealots who interpreted my words several hundred years after my existence. Some of them even manipulated my words or even added their own words just to support their own agendas." You either have not done your research concerning this matter or you do not care to investigate the truth to verify your claim in order to promote your false claim, and to justify the lust of your flesh, that will tragically, if you do not repent and trust the Lord Jesus Christ of the Holy Bible by faith alone for your salvation, lead you to an eternity in hell(Luke 13:3; John 3:16-21,36).

No research, eh? NO RESEARCH??!! How about an hour and forty three minute Channel 4 documentary hosted by noted Professor of Theological studies at Oxford, Dr. Robert Beckford, there's some research for you.

The basic gist of Beckford's findings is that even from the beginnings the Bible's creation was

fraught with curious translations and people sneaking in their own opinions. The first book of Moses was actually written by 4 anonymous authors labelled J, E, P, and D. They're the ones who assembled all the oral traditions into the first 5 books of the Bible, Genesis to Deuteronomy. Then, after the Temple of Jerusalem was destroyed in 586 BC, Hezekiah altered those books to reflect a new found belief in monotheism. And then, when the Jews were being held captive in Babylon, the books were altered again to add a feeling of hope to help everyone through their despair.

And, of course, the book of Isaiah predicts a Messiah which we now all know was Jesus Christ.

(To all the Jewish readers of this blogpost, the Messiah that Isaiah was actually talking about was Cyborg Rabbinowitz who will be born of a virgin manufacturing plant in the year 2318 A.D. or the year 6079 on the Jewish calendar. He is going to kick some gentile ass.)

But back to Jesus. Soon after his crucifixion, a man named Paul was one of the first "Nerds for Jesus". He walked all over the biblical world writing letters to various civilizations telling all about the miracles of Jesus with a school girl enthusiasm that would make bobby-sockers for Frank Sinatra, Beatlemaniacs, and Justin Bieber fans roll their eyes and say, "dude, get a grip". Paul was eventually jailed in 60 A.D. So, it was the first gospel writer Mark who picked up the task some 10 years later. After another 10 years, gospel writer Matthew took Mark's writings and made some of his own "improvements" on them. The came Luke with his straightforward approach, followed by John at around 100 A.D. who circumlocutorated much poetic prose to his version of the gospel. And, many other gospels, including one written by Mary Magdeline, were rejected simply because they didn't fit the single mindset that the other gospels had. (Hmmm, rejecting text that does not fit an organization's mindset. That looks familiar.) These gospels were then all translated into Latin by Jerome in 360 A.D. and then translated into English by John Wiclef in 1360 A.D. Then, a man named William Tindle took Wiclef's translation and made some of what he felt were much needed improvements.

And then we come to the creation of the King James Bible first published in 1611 A.D., the version that everyone knows about and reads today. According to Professor of Renaissance Studies at the University of Leicester, Gordon Campbell in his book simply called Bible, one of the main reasons for King James to assemble his own Bible was to describe the king as "the principal mover and author of the translation; indeed, the phrase sets up a parallel with God, the first mover and author of all things, so

eliding obedience to God with obedience to the king, and ratifying the claim of James to be king by divine right." page 34-35

So, James shoehorned into the Bible some text about equalling kings with God Himself. Hey, isn't that the notion that made George W. Bush think that God ordained him to be President of the United States? Yeah! Thank you very much Mr. James (No, I didn't say 'your highness', I called you Mister). Your little act of hubris has done more damage than you'll ever know.

And then there's this little tidbit from the book as well, "Finally, the completed revision was sent to Archbishop Bancroft, who made fourteen alterations; it is not known what they were, but one might speculate that the changes were designed to buttress episcopacy." page 64

O I see. So Achbishop Bancroft added fourteen new bits expressing his bigotry against episcopacy. And noone knows where in the text they are. Isn't that nice.

And then there's the matter of the Apocrypha, whose inclusion or exclusion in the Bible all depends on whether a Catholic or a Protestant got to it first.

I think this is more than enough to prove that the Christ in my book is indeed telling the truth. And really, trying to disprove anything I've said either in my book or here with Matthew 4:4 or any other Scripture reading is very much a snake eating itself. That's like the Goldman Sachs lawyers testimony being, "No, there have been no dishonest business practices here. I know this because the CEO themselves told me so and I believe them."

Ok, I should make something clear right now. Nowhere on here am I saying that the Bible and everything in it is total crap. I'm just saying that not every word is from God. The Bible had some very VERY human editors over the centuries. In fact, there is something called the Jesus Seminars whose purpose is to pick through the gospels and determine which quotes Jesus actually said and which were altered in some way. They've been doing this since about 1985 and they're still trying to determine which is which. There's certainly alot to go through.

No research, huh? Pastor, you've been served!

Oh, but that's not all. Here's something else that needs to be addressed:

The book is full of clear Satanic blasphemy against the Lord Jesus Christ, that reduces the sinless Lamb of God(2 Corinthians 5:21), who is God in the flesh (John 1:1,14), to one how rejects His own words (Matthew 4:4), agrees with sin, lies, and complete perversion that would make wicked and ungodly programs such as south park, family guy, and the Simpsons, blush with shame.

Really? My book is more Satanically blasphemous than South Park, Family Guy, and The Simpsons combined? Take that Stone, Parker, MacFarlane and Groening. If you want to cut through my cloud of dust and catch up to me, you guys have a lot of work to do.

But, in all seriousness, I actually consider it an honour to be even considered among the pantheon with these fine creative gentlemen (as well as others who came before and after them). So, Mister Pastor, I have nothing more to add on this particular segment except a big "nerts to you" on that one.

I should definitely respond to this:

God the Father is promoted by Mr. Germain to embrace such wicked sin, and perversion such as pornography, violence, and every ungoldy, evil, and wicked ideology by saying, "There is no censorship in heaven." There is pictures of nudity in Mr. Germain's Heaven, and even God Himself curses at the censorship Monkey's who are banished to a cage where they are ironically "censored" and no longer able to have freedom of expression of there own, which is a clear contradiction of Mr. Germain's rant.

Okay, God is NOT embracing pornography and violence as you assumed, sir. He is simply not being a gigantic douche by suppressing images of those things. Because really, the altering of an artist's vision by anyone is one of the biggest sins anyone can commit (as the history of writing the Bible has demonstrated). THAT'S the point of the rant. Also, the monkeys haven't lost their "freedom of expression". They've simply been put in a cage where they can't infringe their narrow ideology onto anyone or any work of art. My rant was about not having focus groups full of paranoid parents regulating what we see and don't see.

I would like the Censored 11...

to become the Readily Available 11.

And also, would it be too much to ask for not having someone actually suing a school for celebrating Halloween? Can we have that please?

If my wish for them was complete censorship of the monkey's voices I would have had them meet a very bloody and painful demise.

Mr. Germain clearly is fulfilling the Bible prophecy that says, "Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils; Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron" (1Timothy 4:1-2).

Hey, how about that! There's a passage in the Bible all about me. What do you say to that Fred Sanford?

fredsanford_jawbone by Daffyduckandthedinosaur

Jawbone of an ass. Oh, you're hilarious. Hardy har har! Thanks for standing up for me, Esther. But, I think you just learned the hard way: "Never argue with a man who keeps a baseball bat in his kitchen."

One last thing I'd like to address, it has to do with this part of the Pastor's letter:

Mr. Germain expresses no fear of God or any sense of conviction of his sin by the Holy Ghost

Personally, I feel that any God that can't laugh at Himself is no God that I want to pray to. That's my opinion anyway.

One thing I will say about Pastor Sean Bonitto is that he actually responded. He could have been a big snob and simply ignored me and my work. But, instead he actually took the time to carefully read and respond to everything. That shows that he is

very open and approachable to everyone. He will gladly answer any question you ask him. You might not like theanswer, but at least you'll get one in a timely manner. You say you're praying for me, Pastor Sean? Well, I'm praying for you too. I pray that you'll stop resembling one of the Dean Wormers of the world, because they never have any fun.

With that, I will end this blog post with an Amen because I fully believe and stand by everything I've just said.

(If you want to find out exactly what the good pastor is finding so objectionable about my book, you can order it yourself at either Createspace, Amazon, or Kindle. Does he have a point or is he a little hyperbolic? I'll let you be the judge of that.)

My Halifax Comic Con Experience

Well, the Halifax Comic Con just wrapped up a few hours ago at the WTCC.

Personally, I had a swell time. I actually sold more books here than I did in Montreal. I hope this is an increasing trend with comic book conventions. One thing that definitely helped my sales this time was the one poster I put up:

That got people laughing. Best of all, it got a few people saying, "That's funny. I'll buy it." Believe it or not, that poster even helped me sell my book to a Buddhist. At first he was concerned that Jesus Needs Help was sending a fiercely aggressive pro-Christian message and with so much Christian propaganda all around he didn't want his kids "corrupted" by my book. But, after he read the above poster, he realized that the book isn't really promoting Christianity in any serious way and so that helped take the edge off enough for him to actually purchase a copy for his son.

I guess I stumbled onto something good right there.

Yeah, the reception towards my book was about typical for your average Comic con crowd. It was:

- part delightful curiosity

- part attitude

Like I said, that refund poster really entertained people and others that came by my table really liked my Censor Monkeys concept. But, so many saw the name Jesus, gave me an eyeroll and kept walking. Some of them didn't even take one of the free handouts I had. How much of an asshole do you have to be to pass up a freebie? Who does that? Even the Roadrunner would eat every bowl of free birdseed he was given, even when a canon was pointed straight at his head. He managed to survive that ordeal. What the Hell was your problem?

There were even two girls who didn't understand the concept of the book even after the whole thing was explained to them.

Yeah, I can't really sum their reaction up better than that.

But, I should really focus on the more positive aspects of the Con, shouldn't I? For instance, I saw some great costumes both home-made and otherwise. One lady actually crocheted a Yoda costume for herself that looked really cool. I saw a neat Optimus Prime costume made out of cardboard boxes. More than a few people dressed up as either Mario or Luigi (I even saw someone dressed like Wario). I saw a really great costume of Electro, one of Spiderman's many nemeses. And, as always, there were plenty of sexy costumes worn by sexy ladies. But, sadly, I didn't manage to capture ANY of that because I forgot my camera at home on Saturday.

That's what I felt like doing to myself. Although, i did manage to bring it on Sunday and caught this really cool Bender costume:

Someone even dressed their cat up as Batman:

I'm sure there's a "Catwoman in heat" joke in there somewhere.

That's all I managed to really capture for costumes this year. I'm sure the Hal-Con official website will have plenty of pictures with people in costume soon enough (or, by the time you've stumbled onto this, maybe they're up there now).

Oh, hey. I also met a great artist there. Her booth was right beside mine. Not only did she have wonderful art on display, she was good enough that she could do commissions right there at the Con, and they weren't just your typical big-head caricatures either. Her name is CK Russell. I'd say that getting a picture drawn by her would qualify as a good time. Therefore, I am typing the following statement:

For a good time, contact CK Russell.

Write that on every bathroom wall you can find. ;)

I also ran into some of the people who work at Inked Well Comics. They came over and chatted every so often an at one time they even offered me a cookie. You've got to love a business that does that.

I also met this guy:

Before that he was talking about how his desire was to see Jesus burn in Hell. That's his opinion and he's more than entitled to it.

Well, that's my Halifax Comic Con experience in a nutshell. Like I said at the top, I had a swell time and I look forward to being there again next year hopefully with a second comic book for sale.

Oh yeah, I also met a dalek while I was there. He was a fun guy but he can't hold his liquor.

{I should clarify something about what I said near the top. Despite what it may look like, I do not consider everyone who doesn't like my book as an idiot. That would not be a good thing to do for two big reasons:

1. Even if they are idiots, the obligation is still on me to tap into that "idiotic" mentality. Any marketing guru will tell you that.

2. That theory has really not been proven in any way yet. You see, over the passed year that I've been selling this book, I've found that most if not all the people who say they hate it haven't actually read it. Inversely, most of everyone who HAS read my book has loved it. Therefore, this shows that the biggest problem has been with the presentation of the book and not the book itself............ so far. I think if more of the people who claim to hate it (or at least not think much of it) would actually read a copy first then I and everyone else will have a better assessment of the book's overall quality. And, more importantly, anyone objecting to the book will have a much better idea of what it is they're objecting to.

There! I hope that clears things up a little.}

Pastors say the cutest things

Recently, I had a friend of mine contact a Pastor Sean Bonitto of the International Deliverance Ministries and ask him about my little book Jesus Needs Help. Here's what he said:

Hello John Baker. Greetings in the mighty name of the Lord Jesus Christ. I want to thank you for contacting International Deliverance Ministries. While I have not read "Jesus Needs Help", I have read a review of the book, and from the review the book does not promote the gospel at all, but is a form of blasphemy against the Lord Jesus Christ by adding "foolish talking...jesting..." (Ephesians 5:4) to the biblical gospel account through false events such as monkey's talking to the Lord Jesus Christ. The main message seems to promote a secular new age anti christ agenda of tolerance, compromise and sin that shall make many " turn away their ears from the truth, and..." turning them "...unto fables"(2Timothy 4:4), and not to sound Biblical truth of genuine repentance of sin, and faith alone in the Lord Jesus Christ in order for one to escape an eternity in hell(Luke 13:3;John 3:16).

Mr. Germain's blog doubts that the rapture may not even occur, which is a sound Bible doctrine that is certain to happen (1 Thessalonians 4:13-18), and he also curses, and uses and promotes ungoldy secular music without giving an rebuke or warning concerning the ungoldy artists, or reproof in regards to the ungodly music(Ephesians 5:11;1 John 2:15-17).

I would like to read the book to have a better understanding of what is being said. However, if the review is any indication, it is wise to obey the command of the Holy Ghost by the Apostle that says, " Abstain from all appearance of evil"(1Thessalonians 5:22), and not to be influenced by its ungodly teachings.

God Bless(John 3:16).

Pastor Sean Bonitto

You know something, he's absolutely right. I can't argue with a man who speaks the truth. There's no point. Actually, I am so impressed with the sound wisdom of this letter that I will go through it bit by bit and elucidate on just how much level-headed brilliance there is.

Like this part here: the book does not promote the gospel at all, but is a form of blasphemy against the Lord Jesus Christ by adding "foolish talking...jesting..." (Ephesians 5:4) to the biblical gospel account through false events such as monkey's talking to the Lord Jesus Christ.

The text in Ephesians 5:4 is "Nor is it fitting for you to use language which is obscene, profane, or vulgar. Rather you should give thanks to God."

Yes, absolutely. I've always said that there should be one book, one committee, or one religion who should establish what is to be profane and vulgar to everyone. Pastor Sean is just that man to do that. From now on, I will definitely

use speech that falls within his guidelines of what is acceptable, even if they change constantly based on whatever mood he's in. Everyone else should do that too. Come on, it'll be fun. It'll be a big game of Simon{Sean} Says that never ends and noone ever wins. Also, he's right about another thing. I should never have just made up a story about Jesus talking to monkeys. How absurd. Everyone knows that everything written in the Bible is flawless and accurate account of what actually happened. God himself zapped the contents of the Bible directly into the each printing of the book exactly the same way he zaps Jesus' face on our toast. I shouldn't have messed with that. Besides, Jesus talking to monkeys sounds way too close to the theory of evolution to me. That's probably the biggest sin of all.

Here's the next bit of wisdom: The main message seems to promote a secular new age anti christ agenda of tolerance, compromise and sin that shall make many "turn away their ears from the truth, and..." turning them "...unto fables"(2Timothy 4:4)

Bravo, sir. 2Timothy 4:4 states, "They will turn away from listening to the truth and give their attention to legends". Darn that pesky agenda of mine. How could I promote tolerance like that. Could you imagine a world where we actually tolerated each other? ICK! What a nightmare that would be. And compromise??!! Yeesh! Next thing you know, we'll be plagued with peace, love and understanding. And, as Elvis Costello said at an earlier time, there's nothing funny about that.

I should also apologize to the good pastor for my gratuitous secular new age anti-Christ agenda. Everyone has seen all my tribute posts to the Son of Sam all through this blog and elsewhere. It was wrong of me to do so and I'll never do it again.

Keep slicin', buddy.

OK OK! That was the last one! I swear!

Pastor Bonitto is also right about fictitious stories turning everyone away from biblical stories. I always considered George Lucas to be evil the way he had his Star Wars saga take place about 4000 years before the existence of man on Earth. Until Mr. Lucas includes something about Adam and Eve's offspring being Cain, Abel, Anakin Skywalker, Padme`, Wookies, Ewoks, Jawas, Gungans, and Huts, I say we denounce the Star Wars franchise as the blasphemous pack of lies that it is. The ball's in your court Mr. Lucas. Fix your saga or go to Hell.

Here's another inspired nugget of intelligence: Mr. Germain's blog doubts that the rapture may not even occur, which is a sound Bible doctrine that is certain to happen (1 Thessalonians 4:13-18)

Yes! Yes! And double yes!! If that's what it says in Thessalonians, then it must be true. There may be no need to look to other sources for that. Although, I do believe a similar depiction of the coming rapture was mentioned by one Debbie Harry some 30 odd years ago.

Thessalonians and Saint Debbie are right. The impending rapture will involve Martians landing on Earth and eating our brains which will turn us all into Martians and we will all spend the rest of eternity going on a car eating rampage. It's a fact.

How do I know this is true? Well, blind faith of course. That contains all the information you need to know about anything in this world. Whenever Mr. Magoo sees a Danger sign that he reads as "Doctor's Office", it's his blind faith that leads him to know that it really does say "Doctor's Office". And, of course, I believe it too because of my faith. I also believe that any steel beams that fall on Mr. Magoo are the doctor's radical new physiotherapy techniques just like Magoo does. According to my faith, what else could they be? See, faith is all you need. Anything beyond that is just blasphemous heresy.

Uh Oh! I finally found something in the Pastor's near perfect letter with which I STRONGLY disagree: I would like to read the book to have a better understanding of what is being said.

No! No! NO!!! Aw, you were doing so well, Pastor. But then you had to spew this junk. You don't have to actually read a book to know if the contents inside are offensive or not. Like I said in the last paragraph, all you need is faith.

If you have faith that the book above is chock full of sin, decadence, and big sloppy orgies, then that is exactly what is in that book. That is more than enough evidence to condemn any pieces of literature or art for that matter. Actually reading a book is taking a big step away from blind faith and into devil-serving heresy. Resist the temptation sir. Do not give in to the seductive siren song of that demon owl.

PRAISE THE LORD!!! HALLELUJAH!!! THE PASTOR DID REDEEM HIMSELF: However, if the review is any indication, it is wise to obey the command of the Holy Ghost by the Apostle that says, " Abstain from all appearance of evil"(1Thessalonians 5:22), and not to be influenced by its ungodly teachings.

Exactly! See, your blind faith answers everything. It is as divinely perfect as God Himself. You don't have to waste your time reading books or gathering evidence of any kind. Just rely on blind faith and you'll have the answer every time. That's what made Salem, Massachusetts in 1692 such a party town. By pronouncing all those guilty verdicts with little or no evidence, they got a lot more done in a short period of time. We should all take a lesson from them.

I like the way Pastor Bonitto talks. the way he backs up every single point he makes with a Bible verse, sounds a lot like this monkey of mine:

A monkey a have new found respect for by the way. Here's my rendering of the good pastor and my monkey in action. I think they look good together, don't you?

Oh, by the way, that friend of mine who contacted the Pastor, he has a book on sale too. It's called God, Yes! Hell, No!

In his book, he asserts that there is indeed a God that is in control of this universe but that there is no Satan and no Hell. He even uses a lot of Biblical references to show that Christian (and Jewish) doctrine seem to agree with him. It's quite an interesting read. He almost makes Moses sound like Charles Manson in some spots (or at least some kind of an unstable cult leader anyway). You can look for his book in stores like Chapters or you can buy it on Amazon right here. And, of course, while you're doing some online shopping, feel free to pick up a copy of my Jesus Needs Help book as well. You don't have to read them because that would be evil of course. Just buy them. You'll be glad you did.

Rapture: Take 2

Remember when Pastor Harold Camping predicted that the world would end on May 21? Also remember when nothing even resembling a rapture happened and then he went into hiding? Well, now that same man has come forward and told us that his calculations were a bit off (I guess he forgot to excommunicate the integer or something). Now, he's saying that the rapture will happen on October 21 which is THIS COMING FRIDAY!!!

But, there is good news. You can easily come out looking good through this whole ordeal by purchasing a book about Jesus, just like the angel in the picture below.

You can order a copy of this book here. Or if you prefer, you can order the Kindle version here. As you can see, if you order it right now you can have it in your possession just in time for the rapture on Friday. (No, seriously, this is the book to have on judgement day. If God came down to bring worthy souls back to Heaven with Him and just saw you reading the Bible, he'd say, "Dude, that's just obvious." Trust me, this is the book that will get you raptured indefinitely.)

Alright, ok, that R.E.M. song at the top is a pretty good song to play while the world is ending. But, I think the song immediately below this last paragraph is a more fitting rapture song for most of the people on this planet. I'm pretty sure that's how the rapture's going to be for me. Maybe we should all sing a few choruses of this song to the good Pastor as this Armageddon is unfolding.

Happy pitchfork dodging everyone.

[Well, it looks like another rapture prediction has come and gone and once again it's simply been business as usual. But, hey, you know the saying, "3rd times the charm". Maybe Pastor Camping's next prediction will be right. (I hope his next rapture prediction is for my birthday.

That would be a cool way to celebrate.)

Anyway, whenever the rapture comes, even if it doesn't, it's still a good idea to have a copy of my book in your possession. It might earn you Cherubim Points in the afterlife, you never know. But mostly, just buy it because it's a "damn" good book.]

Veritas

As of October 13 of 2011, my book Jesus Needs Help is available at Veritas Catholic Books & Gifts.

There it is right on the store shelf right beside some other seemingly intriguing books.

Veritas has 3 locations:

1546 Barrington Street
Halifax, NS

Suite 2, 445 Sackville Drive
Lower Sackville, NS

And in St. Bernard’s Veritas Outlet at 8 Old Enfield Rd, Enfield, NS near the airport. So, if you're arriving in Halifax either from somewhere else or returning from somewhere else, you should definitely take a little excursion to Enfield as see my book. You'll be glad you did.

Another video from Anwar al-Awlaki

Well, it's just a little clip. I just isolated the parts where, yes, he talks about my book Jesus Needs Help. You can view it here. Yikes! I hope his followers aren't naive and stupid enough to actually believe all the things he just said.

My Montreal Adventures

The Con. itself wrapped up on Sunday but I just got back from Montreal yesterday. My shoulders are still sore from lugging all my stuff around. All in all, I'd say it was a fun time. I sold more than a few copies of my book and a few little framed pictures of the Censor Monkeys that I brought along. I even managed to sell one the decorations I had for my table. Y'see, I took a few selected panels from my book Jesus Needs Help and blew them up as sort of a sneak peek into the contents. One guy wanted to buy one of those. I sold it for $1. he was happy, I was happy. Everybody wins.

I also had the good fortune to be seated beside the creators of a popular comic series Kill Shakespeare. I haven't read it myself, but I listen to the guys give their pitch about it over and over. It's basically Shakespearian fan fiction in way only much more sophisticated. Different artists take various characters from Shakespeare's plays and creates entirely new scenarios with them. The example they kept giving was "Juliet meets Hamlet". I'll have to pick up a copy and read it sometime. I should have bought one there damnit, especially since they were so nice to even help me with the promotion of my book. Whenever some people came to my booth, one those guys would say "that is the best book about Jesus and monkeys

ever written". There's certainly no argument against that. Although at one point I let one of them read a copy of my book. His opinion of it after that was "fun and surprising". That's pretty much what I was going for with this book so in that sense it's a success.

Sitting on the other side of me was a 13 year old prodigy named Devon Anthony-Leneveu. His mom was there to support him too. He only liked drawing guns and images he's seen playing the Halo games. I personally prefer to draw a bigger variety of subjects, but he's doing what all true artists do, he draws what inspires him. That is exactly what everyone should do. The art with the most integrity is created that way.

As far as reactions to my book goes, I definitely got a better reception than I did from those brainless people at the flea markets. Here at the comic con, responses ranged from "I love the way your mind works" to "What is this?" Yes, somebody actually asked that question. Well, let's see, we're at a COMIC BOOK CONVENTION and the product I'm selling has a front cover and some pages with panels containing artwork and speech balloons. Gee whiz, I wonder what it could be. Oh well, like another girl who approached my table commented, this book of mine does not appeal to idiots (which unfortunately seems to be a huge market these days).

Anyway, here's a floor plan on the convention hall. My spot is marked with a little black arrow.

And also, this was my "back in a few minutes" sign:

Okay, there's a bunch of pictures to post. I'll organize them here by the day they were taken. Here we go.

FRIDAY

Friday was the day for us to come in and set up our booths. This was mine. This display definitely caught many people's eyes. There's a copy of my book all propped up for display along with those 10 small pictures of the monkeys I mentioned before. Not too shabby, I'd say.

I knew Stan Lee's table would be a zoo. I certainly wasn't looking forward to paying $50 just to be treated like cattle on my way to meet Stan Lee. So, on Friday, before anyone was there, I sat in Stan Lee's chair and took this picture. Yes, I know, in the comic book industry that's like peeking under the Pope's robe and letting out a wolf whistle. But, there I am at the big man's table. Instead of me getting his autograph, he got my bum print in his chair as my autograph. I hope he appreciates it. (He won't.)

Next, I went over to Burt Ward's table and also took a picture there thinking that's the closest I'd get to him. But, I was surprised that on Saturday I was able to get Burt Ward's autograph with ease. Adam West's table was the predictable zoo while Burt's was more like a small petting zoo. In hindsight, both Adam and Burt should have been seated at the same table I guess. If I was just a simple patron of this event I'd consider it a huge inconvenience to pay $50 and wait for Mr. West's autograph and then pay $40 to wait for Mr. Ward's. But, like I said, I did get Mr. Ward's autograph and I didn't even really spend too much time away from my own table either. Here it is:

I got him to sign the proof copy of my book. His agent told me that "Mr. Ward will sign anything within reason". When I showed him the copy of my book, he considered it within reason, so on I went to Burt. He seemed apprehensive about it at first conferring with his agent making sure my book was thoroughly checked out. Once it was a go, I got that autograph from the Boy Wonder. Although, I think he would have been happier if I had him sign one of the little glossy pictures of himself as Robin instead. He may think I'm kind of a dick. But hey, Burt Ward thinks I'm kind of a dick!!! That's still exciting.

Then it was on to Adam West's table. Some people caught me before I could get a decent picture so I just snapped this one quickly. That's why I'm kind of a fish mouth right now. Hey, that would make a cool Batman villain: Fish Mouth. Get working on it, DC.

Saturday

Ah, the big day has arrived. Let the profiteering begin!

Obi-wan Kenobi stopped by my booth to look at my wares. "The force is strong with this one." he's saying to himself.

Did you know that some Stormtroopers were Mormons? I did not know that before this convention. I guess they're the ones at the Cantina just having Wookie Milk. Here's one of them now looking at my stuff. (I betcha he also thinks the Ewoks are another lost tribe of Israel. I could see that happening.)

I thought it would be funny to have someone with a sign saying "The End is Nigh" right beside a book with Jesus in it. But, it turns out that this girl was just a snob who didn't care. Whatever. Keep walking, Missy.

Uh oh! Look who I caught in a quiet little corner of the convention. I always knew there was something between those two.

Great costume. I wish I knew what book or movie it came from. Anyway, she liked my stuff too.

R2D2 made an appearance near my table as well. He didn't buy a book though, the little bastard. I hope Darth Maul cuts him in half.

Oh hey, this was fun. There was a film crew making a documentary about super heroes at the convention. They stopped by my table, got a shot of my book and gave me an interview. That's a nice bit of free publicity for me, if they use any of my footage that is. Hopefully they don't make me look like a jerk.

Scooby Doo even stopped by. But he couldn't solve the mystery of who took my pants. Oh well, I'm sure the ladies in attendance preferred that mystery to remain unsolved yaknowhatimsayin. ;)

Ah ha! Captain Jack Sparrow stopped by for a look-see. I think he wishes he was back in Davy Jones locker right now.

Here's two cute girls who look interested. One is dressed like Sally from Tim Burton's Nightmare Before Christmas and the other is dressed like a character from Death Note.

This right here is Sergio Aragones, a veteran artist who has been contributing to MAD Magazine for a little over 5 decades now. And here he is looking at my book. I pointed out to him one panel inwhich I "borrowed" a facial expression that he quite often puts on his characters. I put that expression on Jesus' face in this panel right here:

When he saw that, his face lit up and he said, "that's how we learn". And you know what, he's right. Our conversation ended with him saying "good luck with that" in a way that sounded a little backhanded to me. But maybe I was just hearing things. It was very cool to meet him.

Apparently, Mr. Aragones speaks fluent Spanish AND French along with a smattering of broken English. I never knew that before. Wow! The surprising things you learn at conventions.

SUNDAY

It was on Sunday that I got a picture of the Batmobile. As you can see, it's guarded by the military AND Spiderman. Good luck hot wiring that sucker.

Also in attendance was the delorian from Back to the Future.

Sunday was also the day that I got Neal Addams' autograph. He also signed the proof copy of my Jesus Needs Help book, right beside Burt Ward's. He made me shake hands with him 4 times before he did it though. He must be Catholic +1. He's a super nice guy though. Some of his drawings cost a whole $600. Respect!

This one will mostly be of interest to my sister and future brother-in-law. Hey, you guys, your cat Sgt. Slaughter had a booth at the Montreal Comic Con this year. Do you recall any time last weekend when he seemed to have "mysteriously disappeared"? Well, he was in Montreal charging $20 for his autograph. Every time I passed by his booth there was a line up that went waaaaaaaay around the corner. Stan Lee was even a little jealous. Most of the time, the good Sgt. was well behaved except for that one time when he scratched Burt Ward. But, most of the con's attendees will tell you that Burt had it coming. Even Adam West was telling Burt a thing or three afterwards. But, that little bit of ugliness passed pretty quickly. Most of the time it was fun.

I'll bet you're wondering what happened to all of that autograph money. Well, you should have seen him at the Montreal Casino that night. Holy jeez, he was knocking back $50 margaritas at the roulette table until dawn. He would have won more often at roulette if he didn't try to play with that white marble all the time. I heard he was finally kicked out at about 6:30 am.

I hope you two are feeding him catnip-blend coffee to help him wind down after this weekend. You can bet he needs it.

Here's Jeremy Bulloch, the original Boba Fete. I found him before the con started up on Sunday and got this picture of him. I even showed him that picture of "him" kissing Darth Vader. He thought it was funny, but I also think he thinks I'm crazy. He gets no argument from me.

Here are some girls who stopped by to take a look at my stuff. I'm not sure who they're dressed like, but one of them wore leather and had a whip. Come to think of it, that might have been more of a work uniform than a costume. Either way, I'm glad she stopped by.

The characters from Pokemon stopped by to check out my table. Then later they used those mystical balls to shoot lasagna at the moon while a small army of fruit flies masturbates to ABBA. (I think that's what happens on the show. I've never seen it.)

Next, it was celebrity-meeting time for me. Here I am standing beside one Erin Grey of both Buck Rogers and Silver Spoons fame. There was a small incident at first though. As soon as I stepped behind the curtain standing face to face with Mz Grey, an assistant with a deep, raspy Tone Loc type of voice kept saying something that sounded like "Take it!" Either that or "Naked!" "Take it naked?" "What kind of photo shoot is this?" I was thinking. But, after the third repetition, I realized he was saying "Ticket!" So, I handed him the ticket I had paid $30 just moments before and then I and Erin snapped this picture. (Seriously, lose some phlegm, guy).

In this picture, you'll notice that with my arm wrapped around her my hand is clearly visible on her shoulder. However, her other hand is nowhere in sight. Well, there's a very VERY obvious reason for that. (I still can't sit down because of the bruise).

As I was leaving, I said to her, "thank you, Mrs. Straton". I felt stupid immediately afterwards. Oh well. I got this picture. I'm fine with that.

While I was waiting for my Erin Grey picture to be ready, Mercedes McNab walked passed me and stepped behind the curtain for her photoshoot. I missed my chance to take a quick picture, so the best I could get of her was this. She's the tall blond figure in the centre of the frame. Hopefully other attendees got better shots of her.

Here's a shot of a landspeeder. Oh, and look, there's R2D2 again.

"Hey, R2, buy a book why doncha?!"

"Bleep. Bleep. Blorp-a WHEEP! Burmp burmp!"

"Ok! I am totally going to find C3PO to have that translated and THEN you'll be in trouble."

Here's a costume I didn't think I'd see at any comic con. Someone came dressed as a Saskatchewan resident. Coincidentally, these people happened to actually be Saskatchewan residents which made their costumes look much more authentic. These people showing up sure made me homesick. GO RIDERS!!!

Hey, it's-a Mario. He's-a come-a to look at-a my book. Well, he's not glowing orange so he can't shoot fireballs at me. That's a relief.

And then this stitched up cat lady came over to look at my stuff. For the record everyone, it was not my intention to arrange everything on my table so that girls had to bend over just to get a closer look at everything. That's just the way things happened. Not that anyone's complaining though.

Well, the Con was officially over at 6:30 p.m. At that time we were all

required to take our displays down, packthem up and go. So, I did just that. I packed everything of mine into one suitcase and walked three blocks back to hostel at which I was staying. I decided to have supper at the hostel's little cafe called The Globetrotter. I had eaten there before with no problem. But this time, the sandwich I ordered contained some very hot jalapino peppers for which I was not prepared. All I will say about that night is that my digestive system was NOT happy with me and I consider it a divine miracle that I managed to get any sleep at all. (I'm still feeling the effects of that ordeal in fact).

MONDAY

With the Montreal Comic Con just a memory to me, Monday was my day to go sightseeing. Some friends of mine recommended that I check out Old Montreal and the casino. I found time for both.

Here's a nice looking statue. Who is it? Let's find out.

Apparently, it's a statue of Hon. John Young who lived from 1811 to 1878. I'm assuming he did other things besides pose for this statue. If anyone here knows, please inform me. Thank you.

There's a nice building.

There's another nice building.

Here's a great looking church. I forget the name of it though.

Here's the Bonsecours Market. I bought some gifts for my nephews there. I hope they like them.

My friend was right about Old Montreal. It is a beautiful area of town with cobblestone streets that take you right back to the days before confederation. Lots of quaint little shops and restaurants too.

After my visit to Old Montreal, I hopped aboard the Metro and travelled down to John Drapeau Park which is located on one of the dirt islands that was used to hold Expo 67. Right there is the Biosphere, the biggest set of monkey bars in the world. No, the big kids won't let you play on it.

This is one of the three rivers that runs through Montreal. Let's see if I can name them all. Okay................ first there's the................. um.................. Framboise Poutine, ................... the Cochon Dans le Salle de Bain, ........................... and......................... French Toast. Yeah, I think that's right.

Hey, I think this was the site of an Olympic event back in 1976. I'm not quite sure which event it could have been. The 100 meter sprint jump maybe? Or the long distance bobsled? Dwarf toss? Whatever the event was, I'm sure Canada lost.

My last visit of the day was the casino. I must that my friend was right, it is an impressive building. The inside is nice too although I had some trouble finding my way around. I did manage to do some gambling though. I'm proud to say that I turned a measly $20 into a staggeringly impressive jackpot of $25. BEST GAMBLER EVER!!! I celebrated with an overpriced hamburger and then went back to the hostel.

The next day I flew back home and thus that concludes my Montreal adventure. I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to all the other artists in Artists' Alley. I would have loved to visit each of your tables and maybe purchased a drawing or two, but I was busy with my own stuff at my own table. I wish all of you the best of luck.

Like I said before. This trip was exhausting but fun. But, most importantly, it was productive. I definitely do not regret attending. I'd love to attend next year with a whole other book to sell. Who knows which celebrities I'll be annoying then.

Longue vie expression artistique!